Its hard being independent when you have to be dependent on others. I need help with these little things like paperwork but here I am, trying to do it all on my own from transportation to calling the offices for additional info or deadlines. I need someone else besides me to set appointments that i need. I need for someone to pack my bag for my next outing. These little things can be too overwhelming for me, I see. I need an assistant caregiver ASAP who can feasibly help me. It's hard to verbalize that. People are used to me doing that for myself but it's hard.
For someone like me, this was never an easy thing to admit to. My mind is often lost, in a constant state of fog. I speak intelligent and am wise, but with things that are.... well some things just don't come to me like they should it would so I need help.
One of my fellow MS'ers said that I needed to tell someone that I needed help. "You need to ask someone. I know it's hard to admit you can't do everything yourself anymore, but please do." I told her, " I do but this is super difficult. I feel like if I'm getting help I still expect it to be done right and constant. It's hard reminding someone to remind me to take my meds, Lol. I have four bottles of vitamins so I won't run out and I still forget to take them everyday and Nobody is reminding me, either, even though I asked them to. Of course I've forgotten about it and I've forgotten that I had asked someone else to remind me,Lol. I really feel lost, but I can laugh about it because at least I'm loved. I'm settling for less than the best care, I know. That's why admit i need HELP. I'm gonna keep admitting it until someone listens or reads".
Another fellow ms'er said " You have made the first step with the feeling of helplessness. I trust there is someone out there that will help. ", and as she closed her message to me she added that I was "totally amazing". I thanked her and replied, "You know what? I'm sure of that. I know GOD didn't leave me here to do this all alone and I know he will send someone to help us all here in my family, not just me but my caregivers that I do have by way of family. I do have a lot of help but I know since more is needed, more will come." I thanked her so much for responding to my post...and told her that she was totally amazing too.
I called social security administration today to get an extension on the forms they requested be completed in ten days, which is Sunday, and I couldn't reach them at all besides a voicemail left on my agents co-worker's voicemail, as she was filling in first my agent. The woman I initially spoke with told me that because I was dealing with a federal agency I would always have to fill out forms and that's when I knew I'd need a caretaker for this. How am I even able to fill these things out? I can barely write long-hand. I survive...don't ask me how I do aside of by God's grace. I'm going time started putting BY GOD'S GRACE on all of the answer spaces because it's the truth. Can you feed yourself? BY GOD'S GRACE. What's your day look like. Everyday: I'M HERE BY GOD'S GRACE. That's how I feel! There were moments I could not even Walk, see, or speak and now everything bothers me and I live in constant pain. Rushing me to do paperwork is not going to help me at all aside of it will help me have a chance for continued benefits that I worked for. I can't remember a lot of my life and though I don't want to admit it, this is my reality.
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