Saturday, November 23, 2013

We're Not Drunk We Have Ms

This was a jpg I found online and went to the facebook page
I liked it, of course.

You should like it too. 



My day to day is often quite hectic, even though it's not meant to be.  Stress is the one thing that I do on a day to day, oftentimes not even meaning to.  Thoughts about children, bills, what's for dinner, when do I get another writing gig, who's gonna walk the dogs, etc.  LIFE seems to create these little stresses, but I thank GOD for those who love me running interference so that stress won't overwhelm me too much.

This question was posed to a group of MS patients to complete:  When I get stressed out, it affects my multiple sclerosis by ____.
The answers are what I'd expect, living with MS myself.  

Terri says Irritable, weepy, shaky, weak, numb and upset that no one gets it!

Sally says Dizzy and fatigue!!!

Gail says Giving me a really bad headache and neck pain and blurry vision.

Catherine says Making all my symptoms come out at once: can't talk, tremors, balance, confusion, depression, tears, you name it...

Paula says Causing a trigeminal neuralgia attack (stabbing electric shocks).

CarrieAnne says Cog fog badly, weak, fatigue and muscle spasms right between my shoulder 
blades all the way down backs of my legs. Happens very quickly.

Judy says Making me exhausted and making my pain level go off the charts.

Mark says Overall fatigue and anxiety

Danny says Muscle cramping and vibration threw body

Mary says  I start talking slurred

Storm says  Headaches and MS hugs (intense tightening around your chest, along with pain and a burning sensation.).

Stacy says  Right eye pain back to my ear, brain fog, memory loss 

Darrin says Makes my legs weak and throws my balance off, and adds to the constant pain i already have!!" 

Paula says Makes my esophagus spasm, do swallowing is difficult,.and i also get too much saliva

And there were a host of other answers.  For me, when I get stressed out, it affects my multiple sclerosis by giving me additional pain, headaches, seizures, slurred speech, and everything everyone else said.  Now that my husband works outside of the home, I tend to stay even more to myself because, as you can see, stress is not something to play with. What this means to me is that my circle of friends and family that can come around is quite limited.  I just don't trust people enough to allow ME to be compromised by THEIR issues.  I'm learning to overcome my fear of people because, if it's mainly in my mind, I can overcome it.  Who knows?  If not, I've lived with MS and over the years it has slowly taken a lot of the "extra" out of my that can't be all bad.     

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

What Do You See

MS is a weird sort of thing.  It doesn't feel the same way from day to day.  One of the things I don't like about MS is that I never know if it's MS making me feel some sort of way, or if  it's me having a "regular" human experience.  One day, as it would seem, everything just sort of merged into thing big compilation of "ME" and "MS".  Yes, some would say "that's just in your mind".  To them, I say "my point exactly. 

Today I finished a load of laundry.  Granted, it's taken me since my husband's first off day to do this, so that was ....Sunday.  Sunday I sorted the clothes.  A delay in me completing tasks is something that has come to get on my nerves...but there it is.  It takes me FOREVER to get something done.  Was I doing other things?  YES.  But for some reason, I could do everything BUT the laundry, as if there was a mental block not allowing me to get to it.  It was very frustrating because often times I would think about it and then feel almost paralized to the point where if I just took my mind off the laundry, I could move again. No motivation. I'm not lazy.  I truly wanted to get the laundry done.  It's just a small load.  But since I couldn't get that done until just now (yay!!!), I did happen to make it to friends and family day at church, I was able to assist in my matchmaking group, I did a fabulous job with a regular monthly client who was happy to see more quantity (always a good thing when I can make magic happen).   I also landed columnist for our magazine ( a new brand debut).  I do what happens :) But I'm here.  I have to be thankful.  

Peace <3  

Friday, November 15, 2013

Work Force and Children

Hubby has re-joined the work force.  This is a step in the right direction, and wouldn't you know it BUT SOME OF MY PAIN HAS LESSENED.

I'm super happy (so is he) because it's a job that is related to one of our hobbies (and one day future profession).  I think it's awesome how GOD puts everything in place when it needs to be in place. And it's awesome how happiness affects one's health.

My headaches seem to have disappeared for now.  I feel no numbness and I feel very little soreness.  I havn't even taken my medication yet, except for my anxiety meds ( home alone with the kiddies, especially the oldest one,  is no joke).

Friday, November 1, 2013

Hand Eye Coordination And The GTAV

I've been working on my hand/eye coordination.
Its been a long year and I'm so frustrated now because I am trying to teach my husband HOW to work with me when I am learning something. He didn't go to school for working with patients with disabilities so sometimes he forgets to listen to me and not be defensive. 

Anyway...I chose PS3 GTA5. I know that's a tall order, but I'm used to tall orders and I have always been a winner. My motor skills and hand/eye coordination are terrible now, and I'm frustrated because he is not a patient teacher right now. He used to be, though. He is going through a lot.
I wish I had a another friend who knew how to play that has experience working with MS patients or patients with motor skill problems. As much as I try to keep my care and training private, its not worth the consequential tension that comes along with it.

I will overcome all of the obstacles I face. Alone or with help. Having never been a video game person, its frustrating anyway. It would be for anybody. For me the stress of  not knowing how to navigate in the game causes me panic attacks, but it reminds ne of real streets, places,etc that I get lost in anyway..but the only way to get through it is to get through it.

My husband loves me so much. Its difficult to be caregiver AND spouse. I should know because I take care of him too, and that's not easy. We care for each other. Nurturing is a part of our relationship. As most MS patients know, therapy is important so I will be scheduling another marriage counseling session. We missed our last one due to miscommunication (that would have been our first session). I am a firm believer in preventative therapy. I want us to have therapy so that we can learn healthy ways to approach things at times when things get challenging and also because therapists keep things confidential and.our marriage is private.

Today I made new strides in GTA5. My caregiver is working with me, teaching me the game. I hope to accomplish learning how to read a map better.  I think the hand-eye coordination is not improving yet. I found a shooting range on the game and tried to do target practice but again...hand eye, short term memory, and more frustration. I ended the game early because by then it began to cause an issue with he and I. He doesn't understand that I am playing fir a cause...too overcome my obstacles that hold me back from playing harder in LIFE. Yes, I am going for rank but more-so going for learning how to do the life skills which include memory, technique, skill, hand-eye coordination etc.
Work hard. Play hard.