Sunday, April 26, 2015

Stuck Like Chuck

I've experienced more cognitive issues in the last past years since 2013.  Different patients have different issues when it comes to cognitive issues. For me, I'm currently having difficulty with planning and problem-solving and tending to become overwhelmed and inflexible when a task is too complex. I don't have it in me to have flexibility to generate alternative solutions. I'm in a horrible and confusing "MS FOG". 

I'm glad that at an early age of five, I was tested with a high IQ of 142.  I suppose that’s why going through this isn't as hard because I understand fully what’s going on, even in my hazed mind. Some MS'ers are unaware of their difficulties and have problems monitoring their own behavior. Not me: as soon as I notice it I put my support system on full alert to know what’s going on and to stand in for me. Comprehension of the impact of their behavior on others may also be overlooked by some; by me I know it is hard on my tribe and my business family, but we are in this together.

I am a bit tired of having brilliant ideas that I can't execute. I need more assistants and interns to train in these life skills and wisdom/knowledge I want to pass down. It's hard because I do need a team to get things done for me. I want to do so much but can only do so much. I thank God that I'm able to be a mother to my children and be able to raise them in a multi parent household as opposed to a single parent one. In my family,  we are here together for partners... a tribe dedicated to raising our young in the best environment ever. We are homeschooling, and despite my cognitive issues, I'm still able to contribute greatly to my children's education.  I've created a team that helps with academics. And I concentrated on their enrichment and cultural studies. With home figured out, I still need help with other assistance. Like for instance I'm in a fog when planning meals, and that sucks because I have to waiting first others to prepare my meals.  I get ready time send off an email and it might take me all day or days even to get that done because I get "stuck".  As powerful as I am I feel helpless in my mind at times.  Even with this post, it's day three in the drafts.

I won't complain. I'm quite intelligent so when I'm in a fog relapse, I just take it as a vacation.  Playing gtaonline  ps3 is a great help and being a minister and volunteer life coach is easy for me to do...second nature even in the fog.    I can't let this MS beat me and fog or not, that high IQ is still there somewhere in the damaged myelin covering of my mind; just being utilized in a different way.  

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