Saturday, May 28, 2016

Lost Time

What gets me is that once I have been sent on a tangent, it takes me longer to come down from it than the ones who initially sent me into it.  It’s not worth it, you’d think, but what about if your mind and emotion won’t shut it down.  That’s me, living in hell again and being the only one to suffer from the lost time, time that I can’t get back.

My trouble seems to be communication and depression mainly, as well as anxiety.  Really tired of going through it.  What is Progressive multiple sclerosis?   Things just seem to keep getting worst for me.  I try my best to be “ in the game” but at the same time I'm fully aware but I'm not able to be the same participant but I used to be and it's so stressful not being able to be the person that I am.

It's not that I'm lazy.   I'm far from that.  If anything I'm an overachiever.   The problem is that I underachieve on so many things since MS has gotten worst for me. Using the example of what if I did not have legs ( I can honestly say that because at one time my legs did not work and there is no guarantee that they always will work so when I say what if my legs did not work, I’m speaking from a familiar place)  but I am still expected to walk up the street. With me sitting on the side of the road being an indication of my “laziness”, is there any way that I could go and walk up the street for someone else if I did not have legs to even do so for myself? This is the problem that I'm in; this situation that I am I have no ability to do anything with and yet nobody seems to understand that. I feel like my time here is Lost Time because I can’t get it back and I can’t ever have it again; a chance to be accepted and understood.  MS sucks.

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