Sunday, May 8, 2016

Mothers Day Without Mom

They say you can either like Rick James or Teena Marie; you can't like both. #ILikeRickJames I LOVE Teena Marie, but LIKE is different.

I love a lot of people, actually. Mother's Day reminds me of Love. I used to associate it with Pain, but a lot of wounds have been healed and on this day I love on my mother's grandchildren and great grandchildren. I pray the prayers she would have prayed. My mother was disabled at the end of her life, and Cancer killed her. She was a beautiful woman, as all can see. Some people threw shade on her for living her life the way she wanted to, me included. Like anyone else, she deserved some and didn't deserve some...and either way she was happy. My Karma is what it is and either way I am happy. This is peace.

I don't fret too much when my kids do "them" because we all have this one life on earth to make our mark. I've taught them things they needed to know but ultimately it's their lives. I got to speak to some of our children, others inboxed/texted, and some we love from afar. I never really got a chance to be around my mother or my father due to circumstance, but I know that I'm such a big part of them, I see how this works. I am an essence of their spirit here on earth, sometimes parallel to them and other times further ahead or behind. I've been accused of not making sense but this makes so much sense to me.

My mother thankfully never got to witness this side of me. Had she, I surely thing it would have broken her heart. I'm glad she never knew about how hard my life has been since being diagnosed. To her, I was doing what I was supposed to do and taking care of my children. MS came a few years after she passed away literally, and it's the only way my daughter knows me as. It's so different having mothers' day without mom around.

My mother moved to another state without me, and that is where she died. I hope that's not my fate, because I do want to see my children again and I want to meet my grandson. There's too much stress in Atlanta for me, but I'm not afraid to go there. It's just not the best place for me to be and I'm glad my mother allowed me to stay on my own...because had she not and I had to move where she was, I may not have met Trinity's father and had her. Everything happens for a reason, I know this. I just hope my children find peace in having mothers day without mom should I leave this place. This mothers day was a good practice, actually.

I'll probably say this many times, but happy Mothers Day to mothers everywhere, and if you deserve the shade I throw your way just remember, i'll do it in silence because it is what it is. I Just want this day to be happy <3


No comments:

Post a Comment