Last month was a hard month for us emotionally. The Bennet Colorado experience was both beneficial but also harmful. Initially we felt like we made the right decision on choosing Bennett over Denver, but when you have the opportunity to be off meds for the first time in years, your judgment can be cloudy. Bennett's "unique situation" ended up being a passisve aggressive cestpool of death, isolation, loneliness, and just a whole lot of pathetic people. From having a roommate commit suicide and blaming the landlord ...the landlord being arrested for stalking the neighbor whom she claims murdered her birds, the overly emotional love-scorned so-called mystic, my health being risked by an incoming roommate with active shingles, the inconsiderate remodeling of the restroom including removal of toilet, and the fact that no matter how much we helped out and paid our bills peace was not allowed. We moved after being given two weeks notice to vacate for not agreeing to one on one solo time between the landlord, a self proclaimed "sub" into bdsm and my husband. My husband will never listen to a crazy deranged sub. The experience was really hard. I had to begin asking for outside help, and am still in relapse as of today.
Mainly I'm having severe panic anxiety. When I was first diagnosed with MS, bipolar and panic anxiety disorder were listed as well. Later Disassociation disorder and PTSD were added. As long as my mind is occupied with relaxing thoughts or clients therapy, I'm fine but as soon as I think about my family being so many miles away or our financial situation, I'm sent into a panic. This is throughout the day everyday. Its not good at all.
Do not exacerbate a panic attack
It is possible that family members and friends will be present during an individual’s panic attack. It is imperative that family members and friends do not escalate the situation by becoming overly emotional. Instead, family members and friends can assist the person who is suffering from a panic attack by remaining calm and reassuring. This is enhanced by, as noted above, being educated about the nature of panic disorder. If family members and friends become anxious, upset, or even angry when their loved one experiences a panic attack, the individual can be adversely affected by feeling guilty, embarrassed, or ashamed. These feelings can often lead to increased anxiety, loneliness, and isolation.
Speaking with Colorado's Human Services department, my husband was able to get resource information for us. We have plans on others coming here to partner with us to lighten the load, but until that happens I can't calm down. If that happens. Thoughts of panic cloud my mind.
Looking for work with/for my husband each day and then re-evaluating the choices of possible jobs has been making me anxious. My only solace is even back in Atlanta I could have relapsed, so at least it's somewhere with safe access.
I miss my children. If I had them with me, I wouldn't hurt as much. I feel so sick inside. I hate living off disability and not being well. I just want to be well. I miss it, too.
Yesterday the doctor approved me to grow well above the normal amount of cannabis for my medical needs. It always surprises me how the doctors are pleased with how the MS is with me...how it could be worst. Cannabis has helped, but in a relapse I'm truly afraid it's not enough. I'm back on xanax and restoril and not happy about it.
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