Hiccups

I haven't been writing as much as I planned to. Depression and anxiety disrupted my peace of mind.

After I got my daughter situated, my son who is attending freshman semester of college ran into some snags. He needed a laptop. He needed parking for school. He needed food money. On an income that's as low as mine, its been hard to manage but doable... Until now.

So I'm all the way out here in Colorado and my kids are all the way in Georgia and where I am in Bennett, Colorado is nowhere near any possible jobs or public transportation. After a lot of issues here, we are moving closer to Denver and then maybe we can progress more to the point where not only am I healthy but we can help more financially with our children.

Multiple Sclerosis patients go through a lot, as do PTSD patients. Having both of those along with other psychological issues stemming from those is so hard to manage in a stressful environment. Unfortunately, living with others who don't understand that has been toxic to my recovery.  Caring for someone with multiple sclerosis (MS) involves unique stresses and uncertainties. The disease is unpredictable. Caregivers may not know from one week to the next how MS will affect the patient. The patient may experience dramatic mood swings. They may also confront new physical challenges that could require changes to their environment. My main symptom has been severe anxiety. Most anxiety is not caused by medical problems. Anxiety is a mental health disease, and it's often created through a combination of life experiences, coping ability, and genetics. But in some cases anxiety can be caused by something physically wrong, and one example of such an issue is multiple sclerosis.

Multiple sclerosis, or MS, is a terrifying disease. While generally rare (1 in every 1,000 women, and 1 in every 3,000 men), the illness can cause a host of physical problems, and unfortunately anxiety is one of them. I go around others and smile and small talk then as soon as I can I escape back to safety in my room.

One of the best first steps as a caregiver is staying calm and assessing what you need to support your loved one. I needed more isolation away from others in our room so he did what was needed. (Sigh) But the things I have learned and experienced have been beneficial to my recovery as well.

During the time when things started looking south, a group of women that I befriended, began bonding with, and began gifting free counciling with online began to form sisterhood with me. They helped me get through some tough times and are still with me.  Jesus (my husband Rafael) spends 24 hours a day with me since our co-partner left, but lately he's had a little break somewhat so he can get some of our business done because they have been keeping me company and calm. By allowing me to help them, I'm able to distract myself from my own stressors. Things had been getting bad. Raf's car accident (when he got hit twice back to back on purpose with the car that his ex friend "B" was driving) began making his body hurt when he did work around the Bennett house which made him not be able to do as much for the house as planned before, which was part of our agreement for staying here, so it became one of the problems at the house anyway. People acted like he was lazy, but really his body hurt and he doesn't have insurance and his main priority is me, and nobody else here cares about his health but me.  We paid our rent, deposits, utilities, gas money, and labor to work off some of the tincture and phoenix tears oil for my treatment and gave it a try but clearly it wasn't working out. There's a lot more to it, but basically it began to come to a head because  On 9/12/15 the other male tenant came and asked me if my husband could pull some weeds out back since they were having a cookout. It was Auset day (Saturday) so i told him we couldn't because we had made plans already. Well, bad news came on our phone from our family and I'd sent off a text message about a death in our family and I also had tremors and we couldn't make it to the cookout to our landlord  but got no response, on 9/14/15 there was attitude towards Raf, and our landlord requested a private meeting with him which we declined because she seemed hostile and actually told me that what she had to say to him she didn't want me to hear because it wasn't nice.... and 9/15/15 we got requests for the landlord to speak with my husband privately again and when we refused to do solo talks with just him and her due to the need of a witness she said if she couldn't have a private talk with him then we needed to vacate in two weeks, on that same day 9/15/15 we received notice to vacate. Its a long story leading up to that but long story short, its time to move on. 

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The last day here according to the email is 9/30/15. Funds are non existent at the moment as far as I can tell but we will find a way. Some nice sisters have pledged to help us out since this was unexpected, so I'm grateful but still a bit afraid until the funds actually arrive. So much to catch up on in future posts, I've been quiet out of fear of backlash but this is what's been going on with me.  The IRS still won't release our funds and I am just so tired of identity theft. My debit card company had to re-issue my new card because someone got it before it got to me. All these financial issues with money we have that won't be released or is somehow blocked... Gotta be a blessing around the corner somewhere, I think. Thank GOD my oldest and his girlfriend are bringing new life into the world soon. I'm so happy to be a grandmother! So with the bad, there is still light.

I've got a headache but we did stock up on food earlier when we had access to transportation so for now we are eating too.

Had I still had the children with me, we would have made different decisions but since my health is the focus and the kids are safe and sound in Georgia, we can move around more freely...so as long as they are alright I know we can make it through. This is just a little hiccup on the road to recovery, and hiccups do go away. :)

The last day here according to the email is 9/30/15. Funds are non existent at the moment as far as I can tell but we will find a way. Some nice sisters have pledged to help us out since this was unexpected, so I'm greatful but still a bit afraid until the funds actually arrive. So much to catch up on in future posts, I've been quiet out of fear of backlash but this is what's been going on with me.  The IRS still won't release our funds and I am just so tired of identity theft. My debit card company had to re-issue my new card because someone got it before it got to me. All these financial issues with money we have that won't be released or is somehow blocked... Gotta be a blessing around the corner somewhere, I think. Thank GOD my oldest and his girlfriend are bringing new life into the world soon. I'm so happy to be a grandmother! So with the bad, there is still light.

I've got a headache but we did stock up on food earlier when we had access to transportation so for now we are eating too.

Had I still had the children with me, we would have made different decisions but since my health is the focus and the kids are safe and sound in Georgia, we can move around more freely...so as long as they are alright I know we can make it through. This is just a little hiccup on the road to recovery, and hiccups do go away. :)