Tuesday, May 19, 2015


It's funny, I've always been such free spirit. Being human and having Multiple Sclerosis, however, has grounded me. I'm humble. I've fought for this. I fight for this. LIFE. ALIVE. AWARE.  AWAKE. INVOLVED.

Sometimes I think of how lucky I am. My middle son just graduated from high school and though he's a bit upset with me, he know's how much I love him and I know that I'm doing the right thing. My oldest son is 23 today, and though he has to spend this day in a time where the struggle is real, he knows we do our best with what we have and that we will be here for him in the end.  My daughter is still sleeping, and I want her to get some rest because the day may be long and worn.  My other daughter is having breakfast, and getting in gear for the day.  My girlfriend is here beside me working diligently on her phone.  My husband is off to the market to help us get restocked on food.  This is calming me...the fact that I know where everyone is and I know that everyone is safe.  When I don't know their status, I feel ill.  Isn't that crazy, that my body would attack me for not knowing that my family is alright?

Even with all my loved ones near my side, I cannot get rid of this headache.  My prescription headache medicine costs too much.  My insurance company won't cover the full cost of my medication,  Fioricet. which costs $145.79 with my insurance. We've taken cut-backs and done what we can, but affordable health care is still an issue.  I'm still trying to come up with utility bill money because where we live there's a leak that the landlord has not fixed yet.  With so much going on it's a wonder I'm not in more of a relapse, but I'm thankful and I appreciate GOD's grace.  This is hard.  And it hurts.  I'm not talking about a regular headache/head pain, either.  These are pains that go through my head like an electric lightening rod.  Surges of pain (like brain zaps) go through my head and I can't afford treatment to stop it.  Vascular or migraine type headaches have even been reported as the first symptom of MS.

When you have multiple sclerosis, also known as MS, the signals between your brain and spinal cord go awry, which can result in pain, fatigue, and reduced mobility as the disease progresses. Some people with MS have only a few symptoms of the disorder, while others have many. You also may find that your MS symptoms come and go while others find them long-lasting. "What's surprising about MS symptoms is that they can affect so many different functions that people rely on every day in their lives," says Rosalind Kalb, PhD, a clinical psychologist and vice president of the Professional Resource Center at the National Multiple Sclerosis Society in New York. "Some are physical, some emotional, and some intellectual. We tend to focus on the ones we can all see, but many people may be living with a variety of symptoms that just aren't apparent." Here are some less obvious signs of MS.

People don't realize how hard having Multiple Sclerosis is. Alongside it, I have chronic pain that keeps my pain level at at least an 8 at any given time.  And fatigue.  And emotional ups and downs.  My entire body hurts, so i'm on all kinds of pills for pain but none of the pain pills stop my head pain.  For three years straight, I had headaches and took BC powder three times a day or more to ease the pain.  I went on a 45 day organic raw diet and poof: headaches were gone.   Money got tight and I had to eat a lot of non-organic foods, and now the headaches are back.  I'm on six different medications and not one will ease my head pain. I don't have money to buy BC Powder.  This is not a good day for me.  This is not how I wanted to spend my son's birthday, but this is where I am.

I feel trapped inside of my mind.  I used to be able to afford having Multiple Sclerosis, but now it's hard to earn any money while being disabled. I'm praying someone will help me pay for the headache medicine.  I'm trusting that my doctor is recommending the best treatment for me.  I just need a little help getting it.  

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