Transforming

Now that I'm in Colorado, I had to move all of my things here.  Switching states with Social Security and Medicare and taking care essential as well as taking care of business at Human Services. I have to wait until November to see a medical professional but ateast its done. Still looking for housing. And now I have to figure out the children's insurance too.

There are places that allow low income families to rent, but they are hard to come by with the housing as it is. Over 1,000 people are coming into Denver, Colorado's airport every week, moving here. Real estate has gone up, availability has gone down, and homelessness is abundant. I hope to find housing soon before the snow hits.

Like many, I'm sharing housing with others. Its definitely not the peace that I need. Having to conform to others, its not an easy task. I know now that we have got to get assistance in finding the resources needed to find our way around the Colorado ins and outs. Already I'm having issues getting insurance for my kids in Georgia. I have no idea who can assist me, but I know I must find a way. Here it is 2:58am and my roommates have company and I can't sleep around strangers so I have to stay up. This can't happen again, though. I'm thinking on how to make things better for me, so I can be treated like a patient instead of a burden or a target.

I'm learning a lot about people along the way. Not everyone is as courteous as I am not is everyone as kind. It is the things we learn along the way that help pave our paths. I'm growing.

Fingers hurting as I type on the floor of our shared room, I'm trying to take this in, as well. My privacy issues have pretty much reached its pivot and I'm readying a change in my life. Discovering that some people live vicariously while expecting others too shocks me. I've never been so unthoughtful and yet I know others are. I was told the company needed to rest her eyes because she worked late but I know she came to see her friends, smoked with them, etc...she could have gone home  so guess what, she still has to. In the meanwhile, I cant sleep because the room isnt secure. Its 3:12am, but no sleep for me.  As of Nov 1st this place changes. It has to.

I'm tired of moving around. Transition and transformation is huge. Denver is the time and space for change for the better. Change will come.

The Struggle

It frustrates me to no end how hard I struggle with life. The Struggle. Ugh. I'm strong, though, and finally free to explore my disease in a non toxic way to see what works and what doesn't work. Freedom is very important to me considering I'm trapped in this defected body with this horrid "invisible" disease.

First and foremost the gas I'm experiencing is like no other. To some it might seem minor, but its not. Nobody should suffer like this on a daily basis. It's not necessarily from gassy foods all the time, either. The most common causes include long-lasting constipation, severe diarrhea, stress, and ultimately a digestive system that is not working properly, nerve, and muscle damage. Yes...DAMAGE. This is typical for MS patients, which is annoying and...scary. I suffer from gas every single day of my life. I don't want to "take" anything for it, either. I want to know what's wrong with me so that I can treat it naturally, but all I know is that this is common with MS. This is so irritating.

Something else that's irritating is this restless leg syndrome. After treating with Thin Mint Cookies, Pre '98 Bubba Kush, and a Caviar mix AND tincture AND oil, not only am I experiencing that but I still have the headache I'd had for about five hours before I decided to lay down for the evening. This worries me. And I don't like stress.

I've been doing well up until now but my head is my main concern now. It feels tingly and out of sorts. My stress level has been through the roof. Plus not only did I misplace/lose our food stypen, but I also am nearly out of funds. Insurance doesn't cover cannibus treatments or organic foods, so that's an out of pocket expense that is now necessary.

People say "take Rebif again"or to get another injection med from my neurologist.  I found no improvement when I took injections for the three years I did take it. I read the side effects and I know it gave me irritated injection sites, severe nausea, shakes, chills, flu like symptoms... It's poison, what else would I expect?

I've been over-pill'd and injected by "medicines" that cause further damage. My community is, too, with Restoril (insomnia), Zanex (anxiety), and Norco (pain) and so many other meds for memory loss, fatigue, racing thoughts, heartburn, acid reflux, depression, tremors, seizures, incontinence, sexual dysfunction, blindness, etc. and now that I'm off meds, I see why: you have to be really bad off up at some point in a patients progression to the point where all those meds are necessary in order to have somewhat of a normal life. I don't think the government cares that these pills and injections are toxic. I suppose they say, " Let it kill them".  Pain is unbearable which is why so many of us give up the fight. I've been kicking my legs for about an hour at least every night and they are still restless even after that. This could drive someone madd.

I'm praying for all of my fellow MS'ers out there. Some are even homeless and some are all alone. I can help them if I can receive more funding.  They need to be in a peaceful environment like mine. Throughout everything, I have a caretaker that is dedicated, people in my life that support our caretaker/patient relationship, a MS Awareness household, and children that love me. Being in Colorado while my young remain in Georgia is hard, but I know that being a healthier me is better for them. Prayers for all of us is certain.

As long as I have MS, I will continue to spread awareness. There are too many unknown statistics, and too many unheard cries for help. The Phoenix Healing House is not doing the necessary research to find ways of treatment that are not harmful and more effective. Research takes time, but I am finding improvements with this MS patients health and will continue until a cure is found. Thanks for the prayers. Please donate at the donate tabs.