Friday, January 15, 2016

Happy Birthday to me! I made it to 43! No Roommates Today.

Happy Birthday to me! I made it to 43!

I finally got a callback from the neurology office!  The celebration was short lived, though. Come to find out, I have one type of medicaid and they accept only a different type of medicaid.  Arghhhhhhh.

So here I am with more prescriptions.  I don't really want to talk about it too much.  I'm feeling a bit discouraged because I put myself through so much physically and now that all is said and done I'm lost.  I don't know who my neuro is, I don't know what my brain is looking like because I can't get a MRI, and I'm finding myself at a place that I just want everything to be "normal" again.

Yes, more prescriptions.  It would seem that I got myself in yet ANOTHER big, bad roommate situation with people being abusive.  This time hubby and I shared a space with other people again who initially seemed to be a good fit but we soon found out to not be such a good fit with me emotionally, which hindered my health.  Long story short, a man repeatedly talked harsh to his wife to the extent that I would say is clinically abusive.  I stayed out of it and didn't mettle, but holding my tongue about it and my concern was stressing me out.  I'm used to living in a controlled zen environment, which was what we agreed to (again).  When time had passed, I finally spoke out about it and he said in my opinion despite the fact that he assured me it was not.  Having been in abusive situations in the past, this triggered some symptoms and once again, I took a setback.  In efforts to share costs and be able to save, the health risk isn't worth it and we have now parted ways.  In just a few days the couple was gone, without a word.  I was always available for counseling despite the fact I was getting sick, but it was not requested.  All you can do is let go and let GOD sometimes.  And so for my birthday, it's just hubby and I and I am happy that I can finally relax.  I'll go more into this situation on another post, as I have to get my files together, etc and but needless to say AGAIN I am very happy to be back in just a space with my husband and I.  We have never really had a space where it was just the two of us.  I'm hoping we can see what isolation for me will do in terms of turning around my health declines.

My husband takes me out to be around glass. I've been accompanying my husband in the glass industry for a few years now, whenever I can.  There is so much to learn about.  I find that though I know a lot about what he knows, my memory is horrible and I can't ever remember enough to really consult people on my own.  Sometimes I think about why I can't be in the work force.  I mean, it's fun and all to earn a paycheck but nobody will hire me knowing how unpredictable my condition is.  They wouldn't understand "I'm tired and I don't feel like doing anything" and that be okay.  They won't understand "I zone out all day" and be okay with it.  They would not be fine with "I just need to take a nap right now so I can tune out this pain" if there was still work to do or people to service.  I could never work in retail like the glass industry head shops  because for one, I can't remember product information, I forget to record sales,  I have to sometimes just be by myself and go into my own head or take naps sometimes frequently and unsuspecting, my hands can jerk and I can break glass, people sometimes give me anxiety, I can't complete tasks in a timely manner, etc.  Nothing has changed to the point that I can do anything independently and that is annoying because some of the jobs I see actually look interesting.  Now that we have more isolation, I can get some rest.  This is temporary, as we are still on our journey to housing but we are in a better position.  I really appreciate everyone who has helped us to get here, the latest being a dear sister friend who says she prefers to be anonymous.  We try to eat very organic foods, herbs, essential oils, etc and that is expensive, too.

Today is my 43rd birthday and I just want to be happy.  I've been through a lot in the past few years and today is my day to connect with my children, to take care of myself, and to be loved by my husband and those that send me well wishes.

So No Roommates Today

And #kochecooper (my service animal) gets his own bed :) He's the perfect roommate for now.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse please do not hesitate to connect with if you need someone to talk to, etc.

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