Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Pain On Fleek 2

I'm having a rough time at 2:44am. I'm completely in pain. My fingers and palms hurt the most, then my arms up past my wrists. Then my neck. And my back. My feet hurt. My butt  cheeks are sore. My thighs burn a bit. My nose is sore. So is my elbow and hip. This is "normal". 

I'm so pissed because I had to take a pill to sleep and for pain. Tezapham.   My pain is on  fleek"  x 2! http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fleek

I've not been on pills for some weeks because I'm trying to detox my body...lbut tonight I have no choice. I'm hurting beyond simply ignoring it. I think my stress has caught up to me so now I lay in bed suffering thinking of dying perhaps. 

 That's why I took the pill, so I won't want to die. Honestly I want to live,Lol....it's just the pain is severe. My mind is racing.

There was this Danish study of suicide among the MS community. 
" Results: In all, 115 persons (63 men, 52 women) had taken their own lives, whereas the expected number of suicides was 54.2 (29.1 men, 25.1 women). Thus the suicide risk among persons with multiple sclerosis was more than twice that of the general population (SMR = 2.12). The increased risk was particularly high during the first year after diagnosis (SMR = 3.15)."

 I can see that. Though I of all people will Never commit suicide (my favorite cousin broke my heart when he did), it seems a reasonable escape... to be void of this pain. 

This pain sucks. People are too sore themselves to give me the quality of life I need with massage and money is too scarce to give me the proper diet I need completely.  I'm not going to do myself in but something has to change soon. 

  Insurance won't cover massage therapy, only pills/narcotics. I am doing a fundraiser but I know that takes time because Ms is one of those invisible diseases.  I'm going to have to spread more awareness,  door to door if I have to. We need assistance but nobody wants to help. 
Prayer for me getting a cure for this MS monster. It's literally killing me.


Works cited

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