Sunday, December 1, 2013

When One Door Closes (throwback post)

Recap: what i was feeling minths ago...When one door opens......  I've always loved this saying.  It reminds me that it's not the end of the story; just the beginning of a new chapter. This year a lot of doors seemed to close.  Close friends and family turned their backs on us, but so many more reached out and pulled us closer.  The year is almost over, and though I'm sure a tad bit more "closures" will occur, I'm thrilled at the possibilities of things to come.
  I feel as though I'm coming out of my relapse.  Last night was a hard night because I was incredibly sore and had a bad case of insomnia.  
  I'd been nervous about my daughter's arrival home today. Her father expressed some concerns regarding her happiness....and I'm a bit torn. It's hard co-parenting with someone outside of your home, and even harder when there is a "microscope" capturing your every move.  My daughter has been falling behind in school and so I've restricted her "fun", but somehow she's turned it around to seem that she's being treated unfairly.  It doesn't help that she's falling behind in school, because some kind of way I think I'll be blamed for that, too.  Parenthood is challenging, anyway, but parenting with MS is moreso.  I'm thankful that I have a support system at home (husband, older children, relatives)...but I'm finding that I'm falling behind because I probably need some female assistance, too.  This is the first year I've not had assistance from a female friend/relative to assist with the day to day tasks that I face in caring for my home and children, but I believe that will change soon.  We need another woman's touch.  :) The men just don't seem to understand, lol...and my daughter is eleven (and I'm forty), so they are having to deal with two different ends of the spectrum when it comes to the women in the house.  
  I've had a lot of pushback about me homeschooling my daughter, but I really want a chance to do more one on one with her.  I pray that I will be able to at least try. I've been considering some different online options, and I'm in the process of researching them.  It's harder to assist my daughter (who has ADHD) with her current school work because she doesn't bring all her assignments home. She leaves things behind in her locker or a classroom (the latest left behind is her bookbag WITH her glasses in it). When she brings assignments home, she has either written them down wrong, or not at all, OR she just makes up a different assignment.  I am in a network with other ADHD children, and this is very common.  I'm not really supported by her other side of the family when it comes to her ADHD. It's something that is brushed off.  "She just needs her behind whipped", they tell me...but I don't spank her.  I try to understand.  I try to deal with her constant shenanigans (she always leaves class to go to the nurse's office, or finds some other excuse to not be in class).  She's not really understanding what is being taught because she does not like the environment there, and says she needs more one on one instruction.  The only way I see that happening is if she's I pray one door will open regarding that. 
  For a mother with MS raising children, I'm always concerned with my children's well being.  I can honestly say that despite my disease, I am the best parent for the job.  I have to grow stronger because I am committed to parenthood to the fullest degree.  MS patients can achieve anything with the right support team, so I'm strengthening my team in numbers. One of my biggest fears has always been that if my children were removed from my care, they wouldn't be protected like I can protect them.  My son's father, years ago, used to always try to take the boys so that he wouldn't have to pay child support.  However he was never really stable enough to care for them, so I fought long and hard and won the right to care for my boys.  Now I am going through that same type of anxiety, but this time it's just beginning and I'm not sure where it will lead.  My MS has progressed and so I can't take on a lot of outside stress, and my fears are that any kind of custody fight would cause me to relapse, win or lose.  Normally any kind of confrontation or struggle/fight causes me to relapse. Sooo...everyone just keep me in your prayers that NOBODY tries to pull anything on me regarding my children.  I <3 them.  I'm sure another door will open up for me to have more support.  I'm certain of it.  
 #SupportMSAwareness and #ParentingWithMS 

No comments:

Post a Comment