Awareness- I have to talk about it more

I'm speaking more for my needs. These MS suicides are so horrible, and I feel horrible that I "get it". I'm speaking out more so it doesn't get that bad to me. If I ask for help it's because so much has to be done and I can't be a one-woman team anymore. Not with cramping fingers, cramping and stabbing pains throughout my body, a back that feels broken most times, "fog" / "confusion"...and extreme paranoia about the side effects of the meds I still have to take. It's a lot. People say "don't think like that" but that is our reality, mainly so we won't be a burden on anyone. I'm just being honest. So many times we are frantic because we feel alone because people don't know how to take our honesty, they somehow get offended leaving us to feel even more alone. Nobody wants to help us and we can't really understand that, we just feel like crap all the time and worthless.

Social Security did not give a cost of living increase for 2016. I Started working in 1987. Got diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004. Had to retire in October 31, 2006. Tried to go back to work because my savings and 401k was running out, landed a job with the government april 2007 AND was awarded social security that same month. I had to make decision so I worked til December 2007 and the government began layoffs, not renewing my contract and my decision was made when I once again began to relapse. After or king all my life, this was a HUGE adjustment.

I still try to work when I can because its too hard living off disability and am building a team we can continue being successful despite MS. MS has progressed in me mainly with mental/emotional, energy/fatigue, chronic pain,and cognitive issues. Financially it's been Devastating to my entire family. My prayers to my MS Warriors that fight this fight of survival along side me every day GOD blesses us to be "awake". I smile behind tears because I AM trying and I WANT TO LIVE. Even though the pain and the woes are telling me its not worth and even when my mind and emotions tell me I'm not worth it to anyone, either. Under 10 people actually care, in my mind and perhaps in reality (I truly don't know anymore), and so i'm here, still fighting for...US.

It's so hard to talk to people. I ask one question and it turns into a whole heated conversation and ends up with me being at fault where honestly there wasn't a "fault" involved. Okay...whatever. Then I'm asked a question and I try to follow up like okay, what are we doing..and it turns into yet another issue. How can people live like this of they can't communicate? People can try to blame me but I know it's not me. I take meds because of them. Because people don't know how to be non aggressive with others. I'm gonna have to remember I'm 43 and that I do have good sense. People Catch attitudes when you ignore them because they cant have conversations the right way. Yep that's right, talk to me crazy and you can just talk to yourself. Meds put me in lala land, take my whole day away, but that's okay...I will have another day, God will make sure of it.

I always accept help as it comes, I have no pride issues, I prefer to work for it. If anyone needs online promo or even an article written about them and their brand please share this link because my team and I are raising money and awareness about Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus, Kidney Disease, Fibromyalga, Diabetes, HIV/AIDS, Sickle Cell Anemia, Heart Disease, and overall health and we do work for donations https://www.gofundme.com/write-4msawareness . Help us out heart emoticon

The Difference Tomorrow Makes

Sometimes I just feel so down and out that I don't mention the difference another "tomorrow" makes in my life. Tomorrow means the world, because it means another chance at "it all".  For MS fighters everywhere, tomorrow gives hope for change. 

I'm an activist for "awareness".  I'm so grateful for my improving health.  This time last year, I was nowhere as healthy as I am now.  With my new awareness of holistic approaches to healthcare, I have a greater chance of keeping myself in remission.  Even though my nervous system is very sensitive, I am still seizure free, and even with everyday stresses, I feel as though the seizures are gone.  Even if they aren't, I'm still so grateful for today, and as I continue to spread MS Awareness and awareness of other health issues that disables people I continue to give thanks to GOD for his grace and for difference tomorrow makes. There is no cure for MS yet but one day "tomorrow" will bring about a cure not only for MS, but for everything that ails society. 

My walk with MS has been an interesting one to say the least.  Prior to MS, I was always on the go. MS has slowed me down a lot and made me more cautious.  I have to accept that though things are different, I'm still here. I'm still here to face any challenges I may have and to overcome them or at least be vocal about what is going on so that the next person may be helped.  I'm learning to be more selfless, because tomorrow (though it means promise) is not promised. I want to live until i'm 117 years old or older, but just for everything thus far, I'm every so thankful for the opportunities.  

People for the most part understand that I can no longer work full time.  I can't really work for anyone except for some clients every now and then.  My mind races a million miles a minute and though it allows me to start so many things, the completion rate decreases unless I have assistance. I have tried and sometimes I have good days and sometimes I have not so good days.  The main thing is not being shaky around people, not wanting to run back to my isolation.  After so much, the trauma I've suffered really did a number on me, but at least I have on the rise because with that i'm still able to make a difference. Last night felt so good to have three LUPUS representatives on our show The Blaq Hour.  One was a woman who lost her mom to complications of liver stemmed from lupus. One is an educator who is currently in a Lupus flare up on medical leave but anxious to get back to work.  One has had Lupus for over 17 years and has suffered almost complete organ failure as well as so many other things stemming from Lupus.  I fight hard to make sure that I provide a platform for health awareness if I can do nothing else.  I provide a platform for talent on the rise to get the exposure they need. All I ask for are donations for my MS fundraiser so that we can earn money to live.

The difference tomorrow makes is still yet to be seen by my eyes because it hasn't happened yet, but tomorrow i'll make a difference, too, and that'll make my tomorrow ever better.