Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Losing my mind

The most horrible shit I ever could have imagined was screamed to me in a horrible outburst that I keep reliving over and over again, I'm past gone, and I'm trying to hold it together in front of my kids and the one person all this insanity is surrounded by is the one person who is helping me not seizure, through the terror, through everything. I'm on pills again (friggin' prozac, xanax, something for high blood pressure and baclofen and I keep forgetting to make a neuro appointment which i'm gonna do tomorrow. My legs tingle. I almost had a small tremor attack. I can't eat solid foods, only smoothies and water. Not even eating fruit.  I have crying spells throughout the day, I'm scared TO DEATH of everything, of people, of the unknown, of living. Death beckons me, I hear it.  All my life nightmare after nightmare. To hell with the judges, i'm trying to survive and trying not to snap. Death would be a gift right now, I really need life insurance asap. GOD bless us.

Life isn't always pretty, mine never has been. 

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