Letting Go Of Triggers Begins On The Inside

Just took a blood pressure pill; first one i've ever had in my entire life. PTSD is a horrible thing. I'm glad it's getting treated properly. Today was stressful trying to communicate with family in Atlanta, so I decided to go get the meds from the pharmacy that i've been avoiding because nothing is worth a stroke. I have to be treated apparently for my temperament because I have the inability to "turn down" on a situation and it could end up stroking me out. Anywhoo.... Anyone that knows me knows I hate pills so of course I poured half of it out before i took it. I admit it. Anyway Pills can be the cause all kinda DEATH of organs and of life and definitely quality of life (sometimes), so i'm really cautious. And yes lots of people take meds but I'm one that does not want to take meds; I just wanna live in peace and continue to heal, ya know. I thank GOD for my husband, my children, my grandchild, my dog, my granddog and his new family (hey P & E).

On a more personal note, my 4 year wedding anniversary allowed me to let bygones be bygones when it comes to past relationships and situations. As I said, I have serious issues and I am admitting that PTSD is no joke, and I will surely get to a point where I raise more awareness about it, too, for sure because think about it...soldiers come back with this so you can imagine the type of wars civilians like myself have gone through to get to this point. And yet I rise up every day the lord gives me a notion to and I live; maybe not on the standards most of society but in a way where I see my husband everyday, I have a loving and friendly (when not under fire) relationship with my children who are close and my inner circle and the world via On The Rise Magazine and On The Rise Radio. I have a voice. So with anything in my rear view, I'm wishing them well from the other side and I'm keeping it moving. Never fight and push for anything that compromises your health and your sanity, welcome deliverance, and live and love only in the light. That goes for everyone.

June Gives Me Love Once Again

It's been a long time since I've been super happy, but I AM.  After so much that we've had to endure in this relocation to Colorado, we finally see the silver lining.  We have a new apartment as of June 10th; a new home.  June has always been a special month for us, for it's when we officially eloped to be wed. June 29th to be exact, so we're right on time, I think.

 We are incredibly thankful to GOD, so very grateful.  Along the way there were those who prayed for us, and those who pitched in to assist.  Living in poverty is the reality for so many chronically ill patients, and in my situation where my spouse is also my caretaker, we've not been excluded from that group of patients.  Being on my own since the age of 16 has been a true journey in itself, but now that I Am someone living with multiple sclerosis and PTSD along with a host of mental and physical conditions  including chronic pain, it's become more difficult. 

There are a lot of other things we needed aside of housing.  Housing will allow us to spend time with our children, for sure, because we have a place for them to come "home" to.  I love "home".  Home is where you make it, for sure, but being in a comfortable and conducive situation is the recipe for a happy home.  I'm striving for that. We came out here with nothing, so once again I'm having to start over.  We need a bed, a sofa, kitchen utensils/accessories, etc.  My husband is working long hours to help provide our needs, but since he's my only caregiver he is limited on what he can do and how much he can do it because he pretty much takes me wherever he goes to ensure my safety.  Until we get "there" financially, it's a struggle. But the best part is not once did he give up on me.  If he did, i'd surely be devastated and I have no idea what that relapse would entail, so I keep prayer in my marriage and in my family life. 

Joy Boy Promotions, Sir Joel Cooper, Binns Al Ndee Al Apache Tribe, and Venita Gaines pitched in first.  Then came Anthony Stuart, Broadway Smoke Shop, Teldren Young, Shanda Howard, Bernice Gardenhire, Victorious Personal and Professional Empowerment Coalition, Wayne Hobbs, and Smoketown Knave.  Most recently Genevvive Toland and Eden Lorvil have pitched in as well. 

Pitching in means assisting me in being able to LIVE with Multiple Sclerosis.  I'm 100% disabled, and now I totally get that. As much as I try to thrive in life, the disability does indeed hinder me.  COmpleting projects has been really hard, but with the assistance of my team it can happen (however i'm rebuilding my team after taking a really bad setback from betrayal).  I feel better with massage therapy to relieve my chronic pain, but again it's too difficult due to cost.  Everything costs.  Everything I need costs.  Things that I don't need due to the dangerous aftermath is pretty much free due to insurance smh.  I wish those things came with life insurance policies smh. So I ask for assistance via donations and my team (those I do have in my corner) and I will help give them exposure/promotions/advertising if they need it. I'm not asking for handouts,just sincere donations with or without expectations. 

This new apartment is the start for a happier life for me. I hope that my husband continues to work hard for his family and I hope people will care enough to help me by donating.  I hope to see ALL my children next month and if not SOME. I hope that my pain will subside (thanks to hubby for picking me up some Aporthcanna relieving body cream from Life Flower Dispensary).  I hope I'll get better.  I hope this touches someone who doesn't have a home to know that prayer and hard work works and sometimes people do pitch in to help us succeed. I hope others will see the light in me and continue to donate so that my light will not dim.  I have faith in all of this.  Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 

Video blog June 16, 2015

You'd never believe just how fast MS symptoms come about. They sneak up on you and POW...they attack.

Today is Tuesday. Yesterday was my 2nd born's 18th birthday. My golden boy..he was a premie and I never let him forget about it. He is also the biggest one in our tribe's children. So far.
  I've got a lot of stress going on at the moment. Looks like we are for sure making moves for a better life, and I'm thankful for that. I'm at a level 8 in pain at the moment but I'm happy to be home with my family. GOD will see me through this torment.
  The pain is actually excruciating. I hate taking Norco, but I went ahead and took one. Well..half of one because it makes me nauseated.
  One cool thing going on is that I'm seeing a chiropractor. It's important that I begin to take control over what I can change. I don't know about a cure for MS, but I do know that my back pain is horrible and I'd like a non surgical remedy. I'm hoping to barter her services with those of Attica Lundy presents On The RISE Magazine and Radio. If she can correct my spinal damage, I'd give her the world, or at least tell the world about her. Dr. Conde...she's A1.
  Well, I'm laying down praying this pain goes away. Please don't forget to donate if you will (click on the donate tab)

https://youtu.be/i6Bteilg3CI

FATIGUE OR JUST TIRED

NORMALLY THIS WOULD BE A GREAT PIC FOR WHEN I'M FEELING WOBBLY.  IT HAPPENS.  BUT TODAY I DIDN'T TRIP....

I had a fatigue attack today.  

I'm not in the closet with my MS at all.  I used to be.  I had such a stressful morning that by the time I got back home,  I began to get extreme fatigue and nearly passed out.  Which was fine because I was at home near my bed. When I got up, the stress was a bit better...but still stress. Now I'm going to go talk to a MS support group and some other support groups I'm in because obviously I can't handle this on my own.  GOD is LOVE and so I have that on my side.  Now I just need to take care of me a bit better. 

Life is stressful. As a married woman, there's additional stress sometimes.  I have a really good marriage but we have some issues that sometimes can be a bit stressful for me.  I'm trying my hardest to remember the lessons in life that I've learned along the way. One of the greatest lessons I've learned is not to allow anyone to steal my joy. 

I have to remember now what a joy it is to wake up each and every day. I have to remember that when I'm pacing around looking for something at the  last minute and it causes my husband to stress, to remember that my pacing around is not me, and so I am not the cause of his stress. That's his. He is stressing because he loves me and doesn't want to see me pacing around looking for lost items.  He doesn't have to stress over me stressing; I suppose that's just his way of loving me or his way of handling things.  I don't know. I have to not get stressed, though,  because he is stressing about me stressing...because that just adds to my stress.  I'll probably forget it next time it happens and it may take a few times of me trying to remember not to, but thankfully this blog will help me go back over these little tid-bits about ME. 

http://www.gofundme.com/write-4msawareness