June Gives Me Love Once Again

It's been a long time since I've been super happy, but I AM.  After so much that we've had to endure in this relocation to Colorado, we finally see the silver lining.  We have a new apartment as of June 10th; a new home.  June has always been a special month for us, for it's when we officially eloped to be wed. June 29th to be exact, so we're right on time, I think.

 We are incredibly thankful to GOD, so very grateful.  Along the way there were those who prayed for us, and those who pitched in to assist.  Living in poverty is the reality for so many chronically ill patients, and in my situation where my spouse is also my caretaker, we've not been excluded from that group of patients.  Being on my own since the age of 16 has been a true journey in itself, but now that I Am someone living with multiple sclerosis and PTSD along with a host of mental and physical conditions  including chronic pain, it's become more difficult. 

There are a lot of other things we needed aside of housing.  Housing will allow us to spend time with our children, for sure, because we have a place for them to come "home" to.  I love "home".  Home is where you make it, for sure, but being in a comfortable and conducive situation is the recipe for a happy home.  I'm striving for that. We came out here with nothing, so once again I'm having to start over.  We need a bed, a sofa, kitchen utensils/accessories, etc.  My husband is working long hours to help provide our needs, but since he's my only caregiver he is limited on what he can do and how much he can do it because he pretty much takes me wherever he goes to ensure my safety.  Until we get "there" financially, it's a struggle. But the best part is not once did he give up on me.  If he did, i'd surely be devastated and I have no idea what that relapse would entail, so I keep prayer in my marriage and in my family life. 

Joy Boy Promotions, Sir Joel Cooper, Binns Al Ndee Al Apache Tribe, and Venita Gaines pitched in first.  Then came Anthony Stuart, Broadway Smoke Shop, Teldren Young, Shanda Howard, Bernice Gardenhire, Victorious Personal and Professional Empowerment Coalition, Wayne Hobbs, and Smoketown Knave.  Most recently Genevvive Toland and Eden Lorvil have pitched in as well. 

Pitching in means assisting me in being able to LIVE with Multiple Sclerosis.  I'm 100% disabled, and now I totally get that. As much as I try to thrive in life, the disability does indeed hinder me.  COmpleting projects has been really hard, but with the assistance of my team it can happen (however i'm rebuilding my team after taking a really bad setback from betrayal).  I feel better with massage therapy to relieve my chronic pain, but again it's too difficult due to cost.  Everything costs.  Everything I need costs.  Things that I don't need due to the dangerous aftermath is pretty much free due to insurance smh.  I wish those things came with life insurance policies smh. So I ask for assistance via donations and my team (those I do have in my corner) and I will help give them exposure/promotions/advertising if they need it. I'm not asking for handouts,just sincere donations with or without expectations. 

This new apartment is the start for a happier life for me. I hope that my husband continues to work hard for his family and I hope people will care enough to help me by donating.  I hope to see ALL my children next month and if not SOME. I hope that my pain will subside (thanks to hubby for picking me up some Aporthcanna relieving body cream from Life Flower Dispensary).  I hope I'll get better.  I hope this touches someone who doesn't have a home to know that prayer and hard work works and sometimes people do pitch in to help us succeed. I hope others will see the light in me and continue to donate so that my light will not dim.  I have faith in all of this.  Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 

Day 11

Incredible. I lost a great love yesterday. It was taken away, actually. I think it was love. Whatever it was, it hurts. I'm so thankful that everything wasn't taken away. It's day eleven, and I thought surely I would not make it today. But I did. I'm stronger even in my weakest moments.

So stress escalates MS relapse occurrences. Today I've tried to zone out as much as possible. I watched TV. I played with the animals. I had to get refills of my treatment and I'm cutting back on doses so that I will be able to afford this. 4cc of Phoenix Tears and 12oz of tincture hopefully will last me for two weeks. The amount of pills I normally take to control my symptoms. I'm now more active than ever before. Mind over matter, this gives me life.

There is one other MS patient here. Rafael has been helping her as well. Being an experienced caretaker came in handy. I'm thankful to be helping other MS patients.

I'm tired. I'm happy but sad. I hope my sadness doesn't make me have a relapse. I'm trying to remain strong.

Water Bill.

I received a notice from social security telling me that basically I can work no more than 80 hours per month and can  only earn under a thousand dollars a month.  Trial Work Period is what it's called.

 The problem with Trial Work Period is that Multiple Sclerosis is unpredictable at best. I cannot rely on my brain and body to do what it's supposed to do when it's supposed to do it or even begin to assume how any given day will be.  I encountered many problems when I worked outside of the home with my health being unstable.  Employers do not take kindly to a lot of call outs or having to leave early.  Even if it's for doctors appointments, the attendance policy that jobs have will not allow me to keep substantial or gainful employment. Even when thinking about working 20 hours, you have to take into account that I'll need frequent breaks, and my brain and body may not be up to par.  I've found that my social issues make it nearly impossible to keep a steady job.  Even in self employment, since my fatigue and cognitive issues are present, it'll be a definite losing situation to be at a job outside of home.  The symptoms I experience with MS make it hard to even work at home.  I can't concentrate enough to get tasks completed, which is why I have assistants to lend me assistance.

  Meanwhile, bills are still due.  If I can't work then I can't eat, right?  Thankfully, I'm married and I've learned how to work with my disease. We have to budget really well to stay afloat.  I know it takes more hands than just mine to get things done.  My husband stays home with me to ensure I'm well, physically and mentally.  I've come to trust him with my life, which was always hard for me to do.  I pray for him and continuously hope that he doesn't give up on me.  There are so many MS patients that don't have the support that I have.  Even when social security is confusing me (so many notices and in reading them, I can't fully understand what they mean), he's there to keep me calm and tell me not to worry.  And that helps.

  I can't help but to worry sometimes.  I'm a disabled American who doesn't have anything any more.  I've had to start over, and that has not been easy at all.  With so much of my memory gone, I'm so thankful for those who remember and know me so that they can fill in missing pieces of my life.  I'm  honored when people think highly of me.  I've always tried to be fair.  I'm all over the place with my thoughts right now are everywhere because that's how my brain works.  And again, with my brain being all over the place, I can't work outside of the home or even in the home on something as steady as a job.  I can do projects, and I can manage them to an extent.  I thank GOD for my imagination because it's gotten me far in life.  It gets me as far as I'm willing to let it take me.  

  My message to anyone living with MS is to fight and learn and share the information. Bills are there and they are due, so  I advise anyone with MS to find deep in themselves creative skills that they may be able to be hired for, and to never give up on their dreams.  

#randomthought And honestly, we all need to pray for water; that we will stop being charged for things that GOD provided for free.  

Support MS Awareness today. 

My BURDEN Blessing

June 2015 will make eleven years since I was diagnosed with MS. An entire decade has gone by, and I'm still living with MS.

I'd have to say the hardest parts of having MS has been the limitations of financial growth opportunities, the never-ending pain, and my relationships with others. MS has taken control of so much of my life, and yet GOD has never given up on me or left me high and dry.

Since my diagnosis, I've had some pretty lonely moments.  Its times when you are at your loneliness that GOD works the best with you. Taking my lonely times and spending them with GOD and learning who I AM in Jesus Christ has been my saving grace. I'm able to see so much clearer now that I've accepted Christ as my savior. I'm able to do much more because I can do all things in Christ that strengthens me.  

http://www.gofundme.com/write-4msawareness

HOPE WHISPERS

When the World says give up

HOPE WHISPERS

try it one more time.

I put up with a lot of stuff.  Sometimes life can seem so hard.  I remember telling myself sometimes, "It'll be okay once I lay down in my grave; it won't hurt so bad then".  Then I have to remind myself that I've gone through my savings and I need to rebuild my wealth so that my family, at least, can put me to rest properly.  And so I remain.

There are a lot of times when I just want to walk away from it all. My life before MS was free and full and fun.  It was filled with endless opportunities and endless thrills.  But there has to be a reason behind this madness called MS.  I know that there is some way of getting rid of it, and I hope I do before I die because I do want a better quality of life again.  I want to feel whole again. I want to do things and not be afraid. I want my life back.

Hope whispers to me.  It makes me have faith in there here and now, and the future.  Hope makes me feel like things will get better.  So many families out there are suffering, but they pull through and stick together.  I do thank GOD for the fact that my family is still in tact.  Whenever I feel like just giving up, I think about all I gave up in the first place just to be here with them, and then I get over whatever feelings I was going through that would ever make me think an "exit" will make things right.  I'm not perfect, but I do have heart.  and as long as it's beating, I'll do my all in everything.  HOPE whispers "one more time", and so I pull up a chair and stay awhile.

http://www.gofundme.com/write-4msawareness