Stabbing head pain

All day I have had periodical periods of time when I have this stabbing pain in my head. The pain is in the top and back of my head. It seems to hurt moreso when I'm sitting or standing up. Right now I have just taken a Carbamazepine and am laying down listening to soothing zen music.

Music is very therapeutic. Though I'd rather be watching videos (another one of my therapies), I'm glad to have a rest from pain.

MS Headaches are the worst Migraines Ever

I had had it up to here (imagine me as i stand on tip-toes in a chair on top of a building with my hands outreaching high into the sky) day eight of an annoying head pain. I remember taking three or more headache powders a day in the past. It was not easy. Knowing that I was potentially damaging my stomach and so much more didn't easy my worry.

I was able to get off the headache powder once when I went to an all raw diet. The headaches had gone away and I was so very happy! Once I went off the diet, though, the headaches returned and I was once again using headache powder to dull the pain.

July 3, 2015 was the last time I had headache powder. That was in Atlanta. The very next day I landed in Denver and began the treatment of tincture and Phoenix Tears (both cannibus products). So far they have been helping with symptoms but now the headache is back. And along with that is the stress of money being low and the sad reality that I may have to come off the cannibus treatment if I can't afford it. I got word about the cost of it recently and without funding, I have to go without.

According to the National MS Society's website, " Although headache is not a common symptom of MS, some reports suggest that people with MS have an increased incidence of certain types of headache.

One report noted that migraine headaches were more than twice as common in a group of MS patients than in a matched group of people without MS. Other investigators found a prior diagnosis of migraine in one-third of the MS group being studied. A third study found that 20 percent of a sample group of people with MS had a family history of migraine, compared to 10 percent of controls, suggesting that there may be a common predisposing factor to both MS and migraine. Vascular or migraine type headaches have even been reported as the first symptom of MS."

The good thing is there is always a bright side. My headache has been so aggravating that honestly I may feel relief going back on meds if I have to. I hate thinking that way but I need to be able to go back one day and see my journey. My stress level has been to the roof: trying to get my son into college, making sure my daughter is adjusting, keeping an ear out for my oldest and my soon to arrive grandson, and wondering when we will be reunited with my husband's other two children. Coming out here feels like the right thing, but being out here with no transportation in a rural area is far from a practical situation for gaining funds. We will have to figure something out.

Day 13

Today we put in hours in building the Aviary for the birds. This is the first time Rafael and I have ever put up one of these, let alone built one from scratch, but we have a great teacher.

This is day 13.
What's going on is:
I had crying outbursts PRIVATELY ( i'm super sensitive).
My body aches everywhere.
I have a headache that keeps hurting.
I'm fatigued.
I'm experiencing bladder and bowel issues.
My arms hurt (oh yeah, that's a part of my body)
Slight random slurring of speech

What's not going on is:
I'm not "startled"
No spasicity
No tremors
No seizures
No paranoia
No potty accidents

Day 13 has been a long day. Aside of building the Aviary, the emotional issues I'm having are a distraction to say the least. I'm thankful that I'm getting so much support, though. Still no word from Dr. Stappenbeck's office. I can't imagine why since I've reported I'm out of my meds ( just in case I relapse). On the up side, Keisha and Angel have been on the forefront of my Write 4 MS Awareness project and our teacher is molding us in ways we never imagined. I'm missing my daughter and all my children.

I hope to start doing videos and interviews on M S soon. There are so many aspects of MS that I want to share with the world. I'm hoping to make this invisible disease visable.

Another day blessed to be here.

Day 9

Day 9 and no pharmacy meds. I'm staying focused and trying to have no distractions.

Yesterday for the first time in my life, I went mountain climbing at the Mountains Of The GODs. Just eleven years ago I couldn't even walk! I've got so much to be grateful and thankful for. Choosing to get and remain healthy is the best thing I can do for my family; my Tribe. My health is our wealth. All of ours, really.

Day 9 didn't come easy. Every single day is a challenge. Every day I have an instant of panic but instead of going for the pills I just relax and let the new treatment have time to work. And it's working. The hardest part is being strong enough to say no to stress from loved ones. But I'm focused and committed to life.

I still experience slight MS issues; not being able to walk straight, nausea, intense head pain, attention/concentration issues, motor skills issues, giving out of breath easily, problems going up and down stairs, spasticity, and cognitive issues. My pain has decreased, and my mental issues have lessened (panic, depression,etc is getting better as well as PTSD). I'm still in a controlled environment (stress causes the majority of the problems MS patients have ), but one that is precisely for MS patients and fostor animals...no room for distractions. Unfortunately we can't care for everyone but we are doing the best we can. From the Holy House to The Healing House. Spirit is with us.

The treatment I'm taking is not acceptable everywhere. We are still in an era where there is doubt and opposition. There is still so little known about it due to strict laws making it hard for people to open up about it and share information. However there is a plethoria of information surfacing on the internet, even in this blog. So many stereotypes crush down the hope for true healthy living, but truths like mine and the many patients with safe access can crush those steriotypes. My healing is coming from GOD, and I will continue to tell my story so that others are helped.

This is not free. Next month it will cost a little over $1250 to be here and that does not cover diet or treatments. In my heart I know I can't go back to my old treatments. I wasnt living a quality life at all. My treatments, my enviornment, and other things were slowly killing me. Most doctors will agree that pharmsudicals don't care about healing; they care about money. There is no money in cures but there is in disease. I hope people do care to help me fund finding a cure for my disease. I'm 9 days on no meds but if I have to leave here I won't have access to it. I just want a chance.

So 9 days...this will be the 9th of cannabis. Tincture, lots of water, rest and relaxation, excercize, mostly organic non gmo diet, beautiful nature, and Phoenix tears have helped me drastically.  You dont have to only smoke to get the benefits from cannabis, and I'm proving that. There are other options. I'm not "high" all day and my body benefits to the point I can be off pills. This is amazing. For this, I'm filled with hope and gratitude.

The symptoms i'm experiencing at this moment are that I have a neck cramp in the base of my skull, a headache, and bowel/bladder/digestive issues. Last night I had muscle spasms. We are determining how the treatments help and which treatments help what symptoms.  Charting/blogging everything helps us to know if we are on the right track. If im cured, everyone will. Everyones MS is different but i'm looking for the cure for us all. Cancer patients are even being helped with this treatment as well as traumatic brain injury, diabetes, and more.

I thank everyone for their prayers and ask that everyone supports my efforts in my Write 4 MS Awareness funding project. As I write my story I will also write yours :). Any financial assistance would be be beneficial. Please spread the word.

TRAPPED

It's funny, I've always been such free spirit. Being human and having Multiple Sclerosis, however, has grounded me. I'm humble. I've fought for this. I fight for this. LIFE. ALIVE. AWARE.  AWAKE. INVOLVED.

Sometimes I think of how lucky I am. My middle son just graduated from high school and though he's a bit upset with me, he know's how much I love him and I know that I'm doing the right thing. My oldest son is 23 today, and though he has to spend this day in a time where the struggle is real, he knows we do our best with what we have and that we will be here for him in the end.  My daughter is still sleeping, and I want her to get some rest because the day may be long and worn.  My other daughter is having breakfast, and getting in gear for the day.  My girlfriend is here beside me working diligently on her phone.  My husband is off to the market to help us get restocked on food.  This is calming me...the fact that I know where everyone is and I know that everyone is safe.  When I don't know their status, I feel ill.  Isn't that crazy, that my body would attack me for not knowing that my family is alright?

Even with all my loved ones near my side, I cannot get rid of this headache.  My prescription headache medicine costs too much.  My insurance company won't cover the full cost of my medication,  Fioricet. which costs $145.79 with my insurance. We've taken cut-backs and done what we can, but affordable health care is still an issue.  I'm still trying to come up with utility bill money because where we live there's a leak that the landlord has not fixed yet.  With so much going on it's a wonder I'm not in more of a relapse, but I'm thankful and I appreciate GOD's grace.  This is hard.  And it hurts.  I'm not talking about a regular headache/head pain, either.  These are pains that go through my head like an electric lightening rod.  Surges of pain (like brain zaps) go through my head and I can't afford treatment to stop it.  Vascular or migraine type headaches have even been reported as the first symptom of MS.

When you have multiple sclerosis, also known as MS, the signals between your brain and spinal cord go awry, which can result in pain, fatigue, and reduced mobility as the disease progresses. Some people with MS have only a few symptoms of the disorder, while others have many. You also may find that your MS symptoms come and go while others find them long-lasting. "What's surprising about MS symptoms is that they can affect so many different functions that people rely on every day in their lives," says Rosalind Kalb, PhD, a clinical psychologist and vice president of the Professional Resource Center at the National Multiple Sclerosis Society in New York. "Some are physical, some emotional, and some intellectual. We tend to focus on the ones we can all see, but many people may be living with a variety of symptoms that just aren't apparent." Here are some less obvious signs of MS.

People don't realize how hard having Multiple Sclerosis is. Alongside it, I have chronic pain that keeps my pain level at at least an 8 at any given time.  And fatigue.  And emotional ups and downs.  My entire body hurts, so i'm on all kinds of pills for pain but none of the pain pills stop my head pain.  For three years straight, I had headaches and took BC powder three times a day or more to ease the pain.  I went on a 45 day organic raw diet and poof: headaches were gone.   Money got tight and I had to eat a lot of non-organic foods, and now the headaches are back.  I'm on six different medications and not one will ease my head pain. I don't have money to buy BC Powder.  This is not a good day for me.  This is not how I wanted to spend my son's birthday, but this is where I am.

I feel trapped inside of my mind.  I used to be able to afford having Multiple Sclerosis, but now it's hard to earn any money while being disabled. I'm praying someone will help me pay for the headache medicine.  I'm trusting that my doctor is recommending the best treatment for me.  I just need a little help getting it.