Day 12

Still no meds. I called Dr. Stappenbeck to ask for a prescriptions, but I'm not getting word back on if I'm getting the prescriptions or not. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to get through the loss of a close relationship and running out of meds is not wise. I took a leap of faith in coming out here to try alternative treatments, but never expected to not have access to prescriptions if needed.

The problem with America is that it's all about the money. For me to even have to leave Georgia for safe alternatives was and is ridiculous. I will be going back soon but still, I should be able to be free to have access treatment anywhere I go. It's up to me and people like me to continue to vote for our GOD given rights.

Today Rafael and I put up a bird Aviary outside. Barbed wire, steel poles...its going to be beautiful. Healing House teacher says its good for us to finish projects together so that I can learn with support. I find that it works both ways, the support. I'm learning some things and am seeing how I could do things better. Being out here allows me a lot of time for reflection. It's good for the soul.

I miss my daughter terribly. I'm doing this for her so I can have energy to do things with her.

Day 10

My head hurts and I've had a long day. A piece of me left today, but I know that I will have new beginnings. It's hard dealing with disabled patients. I'm doing that already, having survived day 10 with still no xanex, hydrocodone, Temazepam, Mirtazapine, Amitriptyline, BC Powder, or Risperdal. Nice little cocktail, huh? That's not including the other headache meds my insurance won't cover. This, however, is the beginning of the struggle. My supply is nearly gone.

With treatments being costly, I am thankful for the opportunity to do something greater. I've worked hard to get to this point. I want to make sure I can continue getting stronger and better (and wiser).

Last night I got terribly upset from stress and I suffered a night time fright (night terror). I had to end up sleeping with the light on. I know I'm safe, but sometimes night frights can't be helped. As a patient with not only MS but also PTSD and a few other disorders, I'm thankful that my husband/caretaker is standing by me and not giving up on the dream. I find comfort in that. I took some phonix tears and tincture and soon found myself asleep in a safe zone.

My treatments are now at three times a day. Smoothies have been introduced into our diet, and we are loving the fruit we're drinking. Organic is the way to go.

I hope to be cured of MS one day. I hope to live a "normal" life. Spirit has shown me the path in which to go and faith will see us there. Falling asleep now, I dream of those better days and am ever so thankful for this chance at life.

Name your poison and Sneak Peek of Video 2

Risperdal, Zanex, Norco, Temazepam, Mirtazapine, and Amitripyline. Name your poison, those are mine. Throw in a possibility of Gabapentin and Tudorza Pressair (fancy, right???) and we've pretty much darn near got the contents of my bag down to a T.

I take these poisoned prescribed pharmsudicals that are prescribed to me every day in order to feel some level of normal and to treat my symptoms that are caused by having my disabilities, not by preference. I still do not understand how something toxic is supposed to help, but I pray.

While cleaning out my medicine bag, I saw some meds that were expired.  At first thought, I was going to flush them but then I thought about the toxins in the pills going into the tap (tainted and polluted) water and making people and animals sickER.  So then I thought to crush them into powder and set them on fire, but then I thought a out air pollution with toxic gas.  I couldn't bury it because then I'd put toxins in the soil. I was about to go on a whirlwind in my mind but finally my husband looked up how to discard expired prescription meds and it said there is a service that comes by to pick them up    http://www.disposemymeds.org/  .  How do I know that they are not just recycling old pills back to patients and that's why they don't always work.  I don't know.  I'm paranoid about what goes into pills and such as opposed to what is naturally grown or provided by mother nature. Anything that's not natural is un-natural.   That's common sense even to someone like me with cognitive issues. 

As of right now I'm down to 5-7 pill prescriptions in my everyday carry bag, (1 of which I take daily if I have to be around other people) and 4 of which I take most days and nights ( 1 of which is to allow my mind to stop raving long enough to go to sleep).  With the physical part of the disability so eratic, the emotional and mental can take its toll on anyone, especially the MS patient like me.  There's no wonder why I'm seeing a chiropractor with all the medications I have in my bag...that bag is heavy and my spine is  curved all kind of ways.  I have scoliosis and also bone spurs.  Getting these things spine adjustments can help in making my MS better and give me almost 14 more years of life..and those visits will cost me upwards of  $2500 with insurance .  But they work!  https://youtu.be/3QzCKReW0Iw  I'm hoping to be able to get the treatments I need that are not involving pills.  I've got to raise some money so that the little treatments I can do without pharmaceuticals.  That's all I want; to live a life without pharmaceuticals and pain and everything else 

I long for a place where there is safe access to what GOD intended for us, natural herbs and plants galore.  And though I'm not there yet, I also give thanks that I'm able to homeschool my princess
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