Progression

  When I was 31 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I already had anxiety and depression prior to MS, but Within three more years I was also diagnosed with BiPolar Anxiety Disorder, then within three more years PTSD and Panic disorder. My life consists of managing all of these illnesses while remaining a part of society. All of that, parenting, marriage, and career has never been an easy feat. As I get older, I've noticed that therapy and constant medical care keep me afloat, and I'm very thankful of that. But as my illnesses progress, I'm saddened by the fact that any of this is going on in the first place. I'm 45 and I just want to be able to go back in time to 2004 and refuse the hepatitis B vaccination that my primary doctor coerced me into accepting and that I strongly believe had something to do with me getting Multiple Sclerosis and if I'm not mistaken I also had optic neuritis once, too even though the study done regarding this determined the vaccine does not cause these ( https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17597263 ).  Bipolarism can be a direct result of Multiple Sclerosis, and that's been one of my biggest symptoms lately.

  In my mind I am terrified of taking a bath or shower alone. My main fear is that I will die while I'm doing either one because something could happen and nobody would be there to save me. I had an aunt die in the bathroom. So many traumatic experiences increased the intensity of the PTSD,  Coupled with the fact that I really don't even feel like going through all the energy it takes to shower or bathe due to bipolar depression. Thankfully, I don't stink and if I were stinking I think I would do something about it. I hope I would. I feel like a child who won't bathe or groom themselves. But I'm not a child nor am I unable to physically bathe myself or even groom myself. I just can't bring myself to do it most of the time. Mental Illness is real, especially people with Multiple Sclerosis. I hope this touches someone and prompts them to do more research. Meds aren't always the answer, but if needed take them as prescribed and don't be afraid to get therapy.

  It's crazy how the time from 2004 to 2018 has gone from up to down in a span of only fourteen years. Yesterday I felt something was wrong but I didn't understand it until today. If Multiple Sclerosis causes Bipolar disorder, then maybe Bipolar episodes are MS relapses as well. Either way, I'm going to try to keep my projects going on and elevating myself. I'm also going to try to manage my symptoms better so I can break away from the phobias.  GOD is with me.

Insurance covers Big Pharma trails

Ever heard of a paper trail? Well Big Pharma trails are sort of like that. The medicine we are prescribed not only is listed at the pharmacy we go to but also leaves a trail in our bodies along with the possible side effects. I appreciate Big Pharma for how it's helped me, I just wish I could get the same results via natural herbs and holistic health care (alternative health care).

Alternative health care is not covered by my insurance as far as I know which is unfortunate because I chose that to be my primary form of treatment. A lot of my  medical health care is covered by Medicare and Medicaid and I appreciate that but the only solutions that I mostly get are pharmacudical ones which is no longer working for me since I'm really tired of the pills.

Holistic health care helps speed up the body's ability to recover quickly without the negative side effects. There us a vast difference in treatment and healing. Herbal and holistic alternatives promote a healthier lifestyle.

Some of my approaches have been to drink plenty of water, I walk more, and I get more rest/sleep. I place myself in a stress reduced environment. I eat healthier.  I take physical therapy and mental health therapy.  I take cannabis and physical therapy for pain treatment. I drink herbal tea for cold/flu. 

Beyond that there are other therapies that I'm not yet able to afford. For instance, massage therapy or Reiki would be helpful. Assistance from an herbalist and/or a naturopath would be helpful. Salt therapy is helpful. Essential oils assist greatly. I would greatly benefit from chiropractic and colon hydrotherapy as well as acupuncture and sound/vibration therapy, too.

I've come a long way from before when I was given opiates for pain treatment. My decision to refuse certain pain treatment options has greatly improved my life. However I still hurt, just not as much. Now I want to tackle the mental health pharmacudical options prescribed to me by replacing them with more natural and holistic methods. I understand that mental health is very important. I understand that the pills prescribed to me are meant to treat my ailments to the extent that I can exist in humanity as "normal" as possible. At the same time, I know that the pills are hurting me with their side effects and I'm not okay with that. I am learning tools in mental health therapy that are changing the way I approach my mental health issues and in time I hope to be off all pharmacy meds.

 

Trust

I see my Dr tomorow she will help me through this. I'm lost and can't trust a soul.