Awareness- I have to talk about it more

I'm speaking more for my needs. These MS suicides are so horrible, and I feel horrible that I "get it". I'm speaking out more so it doesn't get that bad to me. If I ask for help it's because so much has to be done and I can't be a one-woman team anymore. Not with cramping fingers, cramping and stabbing pains throughout my body, a back that feels broken most times, "fog" / "confusion"...and extreme paranoia about the side effects of the meds I still have to take. It's a lot. People say "don't think like that" but that is our reality, mainly so we won't be a burden on anyone. I'm just being honest. So many times we are frantic because we feel alone because people don't know how to take our honesty, they somehow get offended leaving us to feel even more alone. Nobody wants to help us and we can't really understand that, we just feel like crap all the time and worthless.

Social Security did not give a cost of living increase for 2016. I Started working in 1987. Got diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004. Had to retire in October 31, 2006. Tried to go back to work because my savings and 401k was running out, landed a job with the government april 2007 AND was awarded social security that same month. I had to make decision so I worked til December 2007 and the government began layoffs, not renewing my contract and my decision was made when I once again began to relapse. After or king all my life, this was a HUGE adjustment.

I still try to work when I can because its too hard living off disability and am building a team we can continue being successful despite MS. MS has progressed in me mainly with mental/emotional, energy/fatigue, chronic pain,and cognitive issues. Financially it's been Devastating to my entire family. My prayers to my MS Warriors that fight this fight of survival along side me every day GOD blesses us to be "awake". I smile behind tears because I AM trying and I WANT TO LIVE. Even though the pain and the woes are telling me its not worth and even when my mind and emotions tell me I'm not worth it to anyone, either. Under 10 people actually care, in my mind and perhaps in reality (I truly don't know anymore), and so i'm here, still fighting for...US.

It's so hard to talk to people. I ask one question and it turns into a whole heated conversation and ends up with me being at fault where honestly there wasn't a "fault" involved. Okay...whatever. Then I'm asked a question and I try to follow up like okay, what are we doing..and it turns into yet another issue. How can people live like this of they can't communicate? People can try to blame me but I know it's not me. I take meds because of them. Because people don't know how to be non aggressive with others. I'm gonna have to remember I'm 43 and that I do have good sense. People Catch attitudes when you ignore them because they cant have conversations the right way. Yep that's right, talk to me crazy and you can just talk to yourself. Meds put me in lala land, take my whole day away, but that's okay...I will have another day, God will make sure of it.

I always accept help as it comes, I have no pride issues, I prefer to work for it. If anyone needs online promo or even an article written about them and their brand please share this link because my team and I are raising money and awareness about Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus, Kidney Disease, Fibromyalga, Diabetes, HIV/AIDS, Sickle Cell Anemia, Heart Disease, and overall health and we do work for donations https://www.gofundme.com/write-4msawareness . Help us out heart emoticon

Medical Badges and Slurred Speech

Today I saw a really cool medical badge.

It says "THE BEST MEDICAL ID BRACELET I HAVE FOUND! YOU CAN SET UP YOUR ENTIRE MEDICAL RECORD WHERE IF SOMETHING HAPPENS ALL THE MEDICS HAVE TO DO IS SCAN YOUR BARCODE AND THEY HAVE ALL THE INFO AT THEIR FINGERTIPS! BEST PART IS THEY COME IN ALL SIZES, COLORS, AND STYLES! I LOVE MY ENDVR BRACELET! MINE WAS $20 GET 20% OFF TODAY BY TYPING DIABETES20 IN THE PROMOCODE! www.endevr.com/store/?af=werenotdrunkweha "

I love this idea. When I first had my initial MS flare up, the first thing I told my boss was "I AM NOT DRUNK" . I was petrified and didn't know what was going on with me but needed her to know that I wasn't drunk.  Oftentimes people may confuse the slurred speech of a multiple scleroses patient with that of a drunk person's speech, but it is not.

Speech disorders are very common with MS.  The brain stem has a lot to do with it.  With MS, you have lesions in different parts of the brain and that can cause changes in the speech pattern.  It could be very mild and almost undetectable or it can be darn right outrageous and uncontrollable. I've had moments where I've even had something that sounded like Turrets.  There's nothing quite like having your tongue, mouth, cheeks, face go numb.  When tremors are apparent it's almost impossible to get things sounding "normal".

For me, when I notice it, I automatically try to slow my speaking down.  I've been to speech therapy before and it helped a lot with coping with speech problems period.  I also have bouts where my accent will change, but i'm used to that also. 

So when you hear me slurred out, just know I'm not drunk. I'm just being me.