Abilify

Today I started Abilify.  No, it's not the cannabis; it's the world that i'm trying to fit back into and this is part of the treatment.

I said before that I do not play about mental health.  In 2004 when I was diagnosed with MS, I was mostly upset because it affected my actual brain.  That's going all in.  I was devastated.  I began twitching long after the initial relapse was gone and I was in "MS Remission" because I'd have to relive the "bad news" over and over and over again constantly.  Learning to communicate with others was simple enough because I would hide the fact that I was reliving it over and over again.  And thais the PTSD aspect of it and I typically don't get treated via pharmaceuticals but because so much of my cognitive problems have gotten worst over the years, fast forwarding to 2016 as of today I am on four different psyche pills to keep me sane.  It was three initially but because I really wanted to punch the MS doctor in the eye, and the fact that I can't let it go, we felt it necessary to treat my psyche issues asap instead of letting them go, and they understand how I was treated in that MS appointment was wrong. Thank GOD I had a witness, ya know, and #kochecooper to see about.  It would have been a hot mess had I just gone off on him for not giving me adequate treatment because he wanted to push more pharmaceuticals.  This, coming from a man who clearly did not read my chart and know that I'm a full psyche patient.  smh  I don't know, I stay to myself when I have to however the pain of MS has been being treated by organic means because I refuse to put some MS stuff in my body if they do not have a cure for it because the risks are too great.  And I know they are too great because I have an entire team behind me helping me not put unnecessary meds in my system.  Apparently MR MS NEURO wasn't on board.

Today I drank water and ate a salad.  I ate a lot over the last few days with a full time caregiver but alas I have a few days on my own.  I'm going to try to eat.  but MS does give huge head pain and I was denied massage therapy or acupuncture unless I pay for it on my own by the MS Neuro doctor, so that's where I am at.  The pain is too unbearable and I have no idea if there is anything wrong in there but they want me to take meds not even having a MRI.  Clearly they saw that I was not walking straight and no, I hadn't taken ANY treatment that morning, went in just my un-medicated self.  My pain was at a 5 perhaps because I got a brief massage before the office visit.  So today my head is hurting out of my mind through my eyes, in my temple, in the back of my head, on the top of my head and when my sis called she said "go smoke" so I did and it finally went down a bit.  But then it came back and I tried to sleep it off but I wasn't at home so it was very uncomfortable. I don't want the pain meds, I want the massage and acupuncture.  It's just not fair. They know what I go through.  THere is no NEED to take those meds to slow down the progression if you see that yes ,I have MS, but I am managing everything with the help of being in a zen environment as much as I can and getting the proper support I need and being in agreement with me and my tea on my treatment.  This neuro ms doctor told me it was too expensive to give me a mri.

Anyway,I still have time to make a decision.  I have to research more, but I have readers block and writers block becuase ive been mad at the doctor.  smh.  mad at life because all the Dr is trying to do is help me.  sometimes i'm mad then sometimes i'm joyful so it's all weird.  But I'll save that for another post.  That's another story altogether. Peace, love, and light and please pray i get some organic therapy for my pain.  My entire body is cramping so i'm going to sleep.  Oh, and not to mention over active bladder, also something acupuncture could stop.

Eat Me

17 days and no meds. Im stoked! And now i'm going for more! New diet!!!!

In August i'm going to go to mostly raw fruits and vegetables. Last time I did that, I had cravings for junk food really bad when I stopped. I think training my body on not eating wrecklessly can improve my health, too. More raw, less mess. No gluton. No saturated fats. No dairy. No salt. No transfat. No sugar. These are definite no-no's when it comes to eating healthy with Multiple Sclerosis.

I know im "sick" but not too sick to try something new. I know as a woman with MS I am at higher risk of heart attack, stroke, heart failure, and atrial fibrillation (or flutter) than those without MS. I've had heart fluttering for some years now but never knew it was MS Related. Also saturated fats come primarily from animal-based food, which I never knew. Fatty red meat is now off the menu. I pray for good. No more foods with palm and coconut oils, either. Saturated fats are known to raise your LDL, or bad, cholesterol. High cholesterol can lead to heart disease.

I'm adding Avacado to my #1 food to keep. On The Rise Magazine's Xtra Angel just did a piece about it explains all of its nutritional benefits here http://ontherisemagazine.com/why-you-should-add-an-avocado-to-your-diet/ .

I've been getting away from dairy. Some specific proteins in cow’s milk could be detrimental to people with MS. There are better ways to get nutrients.
Too much sugar leads to excessive weight gain. Excess weight also increases fatigue, which common among people with MS.

Off the list are  commercially baked cookies, crackers, pies, and any other packaged products whose ingredients list includes trans fats. Keywords to look for on nutrition labels are partially hydrogenated oils or shortening. We know that trans fats increase inflammation inside blood vessels and thus could lead to cardiovascular problems.

The more salt in MS patients have in their diet, the more likely they are to relapse and have a greater risk of developing new lesions.  Excess salt can increase your blood pressure, another path to heart disease.

White rice, white bread, and white pasta are in the off list, too. These processed carbohydrates, which elevate blood sugar, also appear to hurt the heart, especially in women.  “When you’re trying to deal with MS, you don’t want to have to deal with other diseases like heart disease and diabetes as well,” Jamieson-Petonic says."

Gluten intolerance in MS patients are prevalent. Gluten is a protein found in wheat, barley, and rye. Only the 1 to 2 percent of the population that has celiac disease, an intolerance to gluten, must go gluten-free. Many people without actual celiac disease, however, find they feel better overall when they eliminate gluten from their diet, so I'm removing it from mine.

Sacrifice is key, and I'm willing to stop the madness if it gives me more life. Day 17...goals.

Imaginary Preggers

First of all let me say that I'm  not pregnant nor am I imagining that I am. But sometimes I appear as if I am. I am one of the people who suffer from constipation and irritable bowel syndrome. I also retain a lot of gas, and that is painful. I know it has something to do with diet, but its also a side effect of the medications I take. It's a coincidence that my back pain makes me hold my stance like a pregnant woman would. Now, some days my belly is regular size and I look "Beyonce Fine" (I've got these amazing birthing hips) and you'd never know that I'd been any way else. It's a struggle.

" Because multiple sclerosis interrupts or slows the transmission of signals to and from the brain, the electrical impulses to the muscles that are involved in emptying your bowel can become disrupted." Says Web MD ( http://www.m.webmd.com/multiple-sclerosis/guide/bowel-problem-linked )

The painful reality is that sometimes the constipation is so severe that my stomach cramps, twists, and turns #CharlieHorseStyle. But lately, I've also had bouts of diarrhea. I've also been suffering from loose bowels. Pretty much all if these ailments happen I'm addition to each other. Currently I'm hoping to not get hemorrhoids from too much wiping with toilet tissue (I'm out if wipes...I know, tmi).

I don't like looking pregnant and the back pain is something I could really do without. I understand how necessary it is to have a proper diet. I've come to know a woman named Frankie who will be instrumental in teaching me about proper nutrition for my Tribe. She even knows about healthy foods for dogs. I love her spirit and I feel like she's really on to something huge. It's gonna cost to eat right, I know... But I really want to be healthy and happy. Health is wealth.

I also know my spine alignment has something to do with it. My Chiopractor, Dr. Sherra Conde, treats these symptoms via alignments and though the treatments are costly, they have great results. Im going to raise enough money to get her treatments. My insurance does not cover it. Diet, exercise, and holistic treatments are the direction I want to go in with my health. I want to decrease medications and go a more holistic route. It's my right.

So though I'm not preggers, I'm imaginary preggers. If you see my with a swollen belly, its because I have Multiple Sclerosis and somethings not quite right on my insides. It's okay. Yes, its painful but also yes, I'm making it. I won't give up on myself. Today will be the day I take a stand against MS The Monster and begin to take my life back minus all the MS crap. That's my pledge.

I write for Multiple Sclerosis awareness, a cause that's so close to home its scary.

#write4msawareness