Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Setting New Boundaries

  I wasn't going to post this but it's important that I tell my MS story completely so that I can continue to help others..

God help me but too many times, I've been down. What I can't do is needy relationships; i'm disabled and I qualify as  "needy", if anything. Needy relationships; They are exhausting and cause me to be on medications; most times because of the anxiety it causes. I'm not doing that again.

Needy relationships cause me anxiety and panic. Headaches also occur. See, stress is a huge factor in a MS patient's health. Stress can lead to seizures, organ failure, symptoms, or more. So the stress of stress freaks me out. The stress of a needy relationship can effect other relationships around me,too. And it simply isn't good for "we".

  I get that we all long to be loved, supported, understood and accepted. But honestly you can do these things without a lot of physical attention. If your relationship does not allow for a lot of physical ( disabled people, military, prisoners, etc), then you'll have to deal
with someone who can handle being without you. Also I'm afraid of germs, or anything remotely contagious, so.the first sign of cooties has me running away fast.  I'm a MS Patient among other things so I require a lot of solitude, which only includes the company of my caretaker husband. " We" have MS.  I shouldnt have to keep explaining it so I say it once and thats that. I hate that some people dont value the other aspects of friendship outside of the "me me me" viewpoint. For other relationships, Talking means a lot. Eating meals together is great. Having fun together or sharing in an activity together screams attention and affection. It's when those things are overlooked or underappreciated and they are just not good enough that " needy" comes to mind.

I found this to be true: There are three basic relationship type people—secure, anxious and avoidant. Secure people are warm and loving and most likely were raised by a consistently caring and responsive caregiver. Avoidant people , whom psychologists also call "dismissive," try to minimize closeness and often were raised in an atmosphere where neediness and insecurity weren't tolerated (my environment).

Anxious people are the ones who typically are seen as needy. They worry about whether their partner loves them, and they most likely had parents who were inconsistently nurturing. They often are emotionally overwhelmed Or they might ignore, deny or minimize their needs, and then look to others to fill their emotional void in manipulative or indirect ways. The bible speaks of not being anxious. Wow. Look at GOD.

Eventually, as I knew it would, I've become emotionally overdrawn with the neediness of relationships. As a MS Patient, I'm super scared that they will once again send me to meds. I'm not sure of what to do other than avoid them at all costs. But when you love someone enough, you can try to help them know how to love you. MS doesn't mean we can't be loved, it just means love can't be the stressor.

I found this online: Needy people often accomplish the thing they fear most—they push their friend or partner away. "The anxious person can wear out their partner," says Farmington Hills, Mich., psychologist Carolyn Daitch, author of "Anxious in Love."

People can learn to calm their anxious, needy responses. And their loved ones can learn to understand and set boundaries.

And really that is all you can do. If people can't respect my boundaries then I have to.

In the new healing house, there is no room for needy relationships. I'm gonna send out memo's too. Needy need not apply.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Boys To Men And Little Girl's Candy

I declare, it's incredibly hard for me to these boys to men.  Being the momma hen up here in the coop, I know it's up to me to show them direction...but testerestone is not an easy thing to feat.  Neither is estrogen.  It's so hard to raise a little girl into a nice girl-like girl, if that makes any sense.  My children do the most.

I can't get around like I used to; not while I'm in this relapse.  This relapse is a result, I think, of the high bills that we face at home.  AND the food we've been eating.  And my lack of appetite.  Meanwhile, I have everyone depending on me and so because I can't fully relax, I can't get out of this relapse.  They all make me want to go on vacation for about a month but we can't afford to yet.

Here's the thing; with my MS it's best for me to stay in my room with my phone, my laptop, my TV/Remote, and a set schedule where my meals will be brought in.  I only need to leave for dates with the husband (and the wives) , family time, or brief biz meetings/events.  Other than that when I'm at home I like to stay to myself and be removed from any stress.  I even limit who can reach me via phone.  That's one of the ways that I stay healthy.  I'm really fun at home, but I also need a lot of solitude to keep my levels steady.


I've been watching more TV.  That's something I steered away from for awhile, but now I see I need it more.  My daughter, who is eleven, keeps having false alarms on as to if she is coming on her menstrual cycle for the first time, my middle son is unhappy that we don't have a lot of money, and my oldest son finds every excuse in the book to look down on me and to hold a grudge because after 2004 I had to live for me in order to live for them.  He resents me a lot.  I don't care because I did my best and nobody else really tried to help. But I also owe him a lot of gratitude for being a responsible son back then. I want to be hard on him now so he will be a stronger man in the future, but I have to remember that I'm his mother and the only one he has, no matter how many replacement mothers he's had in the past.   I'm just numb to being hurt by him or his father or anyone that seemingly is abusive.  I'm no longer afraid.  He'll work it out.  They all will, hubby included.  I spoil them all and now that I know i have to start back putting me first in order to get healthy, not everyone will be soiled anymore.  I'll still try, though.

When you are disabled, i don't care if you have a 200k/yr job, you can get sick and go bankrupt, time and time again.  That's the nature of the beast.  But it also is a beauty because it allows me to command for peace. My husband and I don't argue that much, because if it gets out of hand I will be sick.  So that means he'll treat other female family members like that, too.  Stress makes people sick.  He's a good man.  And we work well together.  The entire family is supportive of us and our love.  GOD be the glory.  And these kids better get right (bless their hearts).

http://www.gofundme.com/write-4msawareness