Down Two

Well...I'm down to 114lbs.  Yes, that's a lot of weight loss in two months.  HOWEVER, I can eat with "meal prep", so my caregiver is with me full time in order for me to eat.  And I'm eating. I'm cute and all but 114lb is not the move, not when two months ago I was 130lbs.  I have no "desire" to eat but I'm hoping that with no stress and assistance in eating, the weight will pick back up.  I still have tingling in my legs and feet and hands and arms nearly everyday and that has not changed, my fatigue is great, but I'm not having as many MS symptoms as I've had in the past...symptoms that I believe came from being triggered from all of the medications that MS patients take. And I'm so upset because when I went to the MS clinic, they were not willing to talk to me about organic options to treat MS.  It was basically "You can take one of two medications to stop the progression of MS, but MS cannot be cured".  I'm so annoyed at this point.




So now I'm on an eating plan.  My caregiver is here and my case manager brought me some raw foods so i'm going to work on my book and try to force myself to eat.  LOL Funny story, which I may do a story time about ( I don't know ) is that the other night my caregiver gave me some food to eat while I was really sleepy (my fatigue and the meds that I am on make me sleepy a lot anyway) and I was eating it while sleeping.  Too funny. See, I'm still trying to smile through all of this.

What I do realize about MS is that as a neurological disease, and that controls every aspect of your life.  Including your appetite. I never really feel hungry.  Ever. Initially I thought it was an aspect of my depression which is common with depression, but this is more than that.  I can go days without eating and I know that If I'm not monitored, I won't be bothered with eating.  When I went to visit my children last Sunday, my son actually fixed my plate for me and that's what made me eat it.  It was delicious (my grandson's mom is a wonderful cook and I promised her I would eat the meal she was preparing).

For some reason, I feel like even moving around decreases calories, and so because I walk two to three times a day, and not eating well, it's not looking good.  I know that once I'm full, I'm pretty much full for a long time and my bowels are not really consistent and I'm constipated a lot...so I know my system is a bit slower than others.  I've been noticing that.  Like even when I was on the all liquid smoothie raw diet, I still wasn't only defecating out liquid like one would think.  I was still having constipation, probably from weeks ago.  It's so weird.  Oh yeah, sometimes my appetite will kick in and I'll be super hungry, but then it floats away again for weeks on end. It's not healthy.

There are MS patients who go through this who are on medications for MS and also there are MS patients who go through this who are NOT on medications for MS.  There is no cure for MS so taking the MS Medications won't solve this issue, we can only treat our symptoms.  And because anything organic is basically on my own dime.  smh I'm going to look into getting some Zinc, etc, and continue to live in my zen environment.  My psychiatrist is working on getting me a medication that may trigger my appetite, as well.

As always, I'm keeping GOD first in my life and i'm thankful for the food that I do have available and I pray I'll eat it, even if it depends on someone else making sure I'm being fed.  I'm eating to live.