The Broken Promise

I couldn't do it.   Last night I could not take the Gabapentin.   I made a promise that I really shouldn't have made because I'm too paranoid about this medication.   I read so many testimonies about how you're not supposed to stop taking the medication suddenly and the effects that you will have if you do.   That sounds like a lifetime commitment.   And most of the side effects that people complain about is something I just don't want to have to deal with in my life; I've dealt with too much already.  

I'm going to have to talk with the doctor a little bit longer before I can be on the same page with her about medication.   I'm not trying to go against doctor's orders but at the same time I'm not trying to take something experimental.   Gabapentin isn't even for multiple sclerosis.   I have not found a medication that will stop the multiple sclerosis from attacking my body Point Blank Period.   It's not fair to expect someone to take things that's going to prohibit them from having a longer life.   A  classmate of mine who is a physician told me about a surgery that is being done that is ridding people of Multiple Sclerosis,  however I cannot find anything stating for certain that Multiple Sclerosis can be cured and therefore I'm not going under the knife.  

I know that for me even being off Xanax continuously has been a blessing.  Looking at its side effects doesn't help anything either there's a whole list where that comes from.   So really I don't know what medication I should be taking.   If the doctors are going to prescribe things with so many side effects and instill so much fear inside of me, I'm not going to be able to relax at all.   I do pretty good with cannabis it has taken me off of everything else and it doesn't have those side effects.   I'm still researching.