Keeping The Heat Down

I live in a complex world.  I deal with a lot of people who simply refuse to do the things they are supposed to do and it sends me into panic.  Whether it's my children, my spouse, my clients, my family...the world drives me into panic.  Sometimes I hate it here---in this world.

I envision a world where people collectively as a team get the job done.  I envision a world where people around me would be just as or more organic than I am.  I envision a world of peace.  But people get upset with me when I simply ask them to do their part or what they are supposed to do so that I can do what I'm supposed.

Feeling alone

I'm going through things that make my.speech slur and i have to fight hard to pull it together because nobody understands me. I'm a mom who can't be with her children right now when they need me the most. I hate MS, I hate that I have to depend on people. And I hate that nobody understands me. I feel so alone.

Pain From Too Much Stress

It's 4:15am/mtn. Two baclofen 's and an elavil later, I'm still awake. Pain is letting up, though; slightly. The artist Bankroll Fresh got killed and there is a lot going on with my kids and stress is there.

Despite that, my team is really supporting MS Awareness. They tell me to take it easy and I'm learning to let them do more as I direct. I'm really stoked about Too Smoov signing on and it feels good to be able to get more exposure for more people and multiple sclerosis. 

Gigi is back. I can't believe how much I can't do anymore so I'm always thankful to and for her. This once brilliant mind is full of "I don't know how"'s now but that's fine too. I think God prepared me because he gave me a huge network and is restoring my team and so there is no such thing as "I don't know" or "I can't do". The Boss Lady in me is in control of everything. My dear Ifeelya told me to pace myself and get rest. So I am.

Hubby's still doesn't have all of his paperwork needed to file taxes. That is stressing me out more than anyone can imagine. It's not fair, but then again we all know life isn't fair bit that patience is a virtue. We are virtue qualified times a billion, I think.

It's 4:26 am/mtn now. Off to sleep I go. Can't wait to get Too Smoov's bio completed.