Setting New Boundaries

  I wasn't going to post this but it's important that I tell my MS story completely so that I can continue to help others..

God help me but too many times, I've been down. What I can't do is needy relationships; i'm disabled and I qualify as  "needy", if anything. Needy relationships; They are exhausting and cause me to be on medications; most times because of the anxiety it causes. I'm not doing that again.

Needy relationships cause me anxiety and panic. Headaches also occur. See, stress is a huge factor in a MS patient's health. Stress can lead to seizures, organ failure, symptoms, or more. So the stress of stress freaks me out. The stress of a needy relationship can effect other relationships around me,too. And it simply isn't good for "we".

  I get that we all long to be loved, supported, understood and accepted. But honestly you can do these things without a lot of physical attention. If your relationship does not allow for a lot of physical ( disabled people, military, prisoners, etc), then you'll have to deal
with someone who can handle being without you. Also I'm afraid of germs, or anything remotely contagious, so.the first sign of cooties has me running away fast.  I'm a MS Patient among other things so I require a lot of solitude, which only includes the company of my caretaker husband. " We" have MS.  I shouldnt have to keep explaining it so I say it once and thats that. I hate that some people dont value the other aspects of friendship outside of the "me me me" viewpoint. For other relationships, Talking means a lot. Eating meals together is great. Having fun together or sharing in an activity together screams attention and affection. It's when those things are overlooked or underappreciated and they are just not good enough that " needy" comes to mind.

I found this to be true: There are three basic relationship type people—secure, anxious and avoidant. Secure people are warm and loving and most likely were raised by a consistently caring and responsive caregiver. Avoidant people , whom psychologists also call "dismissive," try to minimize closeness and often were raised in an atmosphere where neediness and insecurity weren't tolerated (my environment).

Anxious people are the ones who typically are seen as needy. They worry about whether their partner loves them, and they most likely had parents who were inconsistently nurturing. They often are emotionally overwhelmed Or they might ignore, deny or minimize their needs, and then look to others to fill their emotional void in manipulative or indirect ways. The bible speaks of not being anxious. Wow. Look at GOD.

Eventually, as I knew it would, I've become emotionally overdrawn with the neediness of relationships. As a MS Patient, I'm super scared that they will once again send me to meds. I'm not sure of what to do other than avoid them at all costs. But when you love someone enough, you can try to help them know how to love you. MS doesn't mean we can't be loved, it just means love can't be the stressor.

I found this online: Needy people often accomplish the thing they fear most—they push their friend or partner away. "The anxious person can wear out their partner," says Farmington Hills, Mich., psychologist Carolyn Daitch, author of "Anxious in Love."

People can learn to calm their anxious, needy responses. And their loved ones can learn to understand and set boundaries.

And really that is all you can do. If people can't respect my boundaries then I have to.

In the new healing house, there is no room for needy relationships. I'm gonna send out memo's too. Needy need not apply.