Completely Tired

I spent the greater part of the day trying to get some things accomplished. One of the things that I wanted to do was to put some shows together, and though I was able to schedule the shows on the proper dates and even book talent for three segments,  I was not able to go any further. This is actually quite common and that's one of the obstacles that I face on a daily basis. Just trying to get activities completed is a struggle.  I found that because I'm having such a difficult time completing things, if I start them advance time even if I only get some of it done, I will have enough time to ask for help some.

Im exhausted.  I dont really get good enough rest, not because I don't have the opportunity,  but it's mostly because my mind races all of the time with new ideas or new worries all at the same time. It's so exhausting. I Don't Want To Miss A Moment Of Life and taking a nap to me WILL take me out of the game; at least for that time too.

It's funny, but before I even began the Cannabis treatment I had a fog about me. It's quite frustrating to get stuck in a thought process and just not be able to get the idea or even the right words out. I might not be able to figure out what I was just thinking about or even what I'm  supposed to be thinking about or where I was going with an idea.  Being confused a lot is very frustrating throughout the day because it allows others to have control over me, and depending on how confused i am, paranoia makes me have to second-guess a lot of stuff because it just doesn't seem make sense. The cognitive issues has really put a damper on a lot of things I find myself not wanting to take a lot of the challenges just to not become overwhelmed. 

As we continue to work on the On The Rise projects , I do have more hope. I want to continue to get the word out about people with MS and I want people to continue to understand that multiple sclerosis affects so many people in so many different ways, but we still matter whether we are fully competent or whether we are fully handicapped.   These are my thoughts for the day. I'm tired and hoping I can bring some money in. I want to go to massage therapy at least six times next month.

Please support MS Awareness.

The Difference Tomorrow Makes

Sometimes I just feel so down and out that I don't mention the difference another "tomorrow" makes in my life. Tomorrow means the world, because it means another chance at "it all".  For MS fighters everywhere, tomorrow gives hope for change. 

I'm an activist for "awareness".  I'm so grateful for my improving health.  This time last year, I was nowhere as healthy as I am now.  With my new awareness of holistic approaches to healthcare, I have a greater chance of keeping myself in remission.  Even though my nervous system is very sensitive, I am still seizure free, and even with everyday stresses, I feel as though the seizures are gone.  Even if they aren't, I'm still so grateful for today, and as I continue to spread MS Awareness and awareness of other health issues that disables people I continue to give thanks to GOD for his grace and for difference tomorrow makes. There is no cure for MS yet but one day "tomorrow" will bring about a cure not only for MS, but for everything that ails society. 

My walk with MS has been an interesting one to say the least.  Prior to MS, I was always on the go. MS has slowed me down a lot and made me more cautious.  I have to accept that though things are different, I'm still here. I'm still here to face any challenges I may have and to overcome them or at least be vocal about what is going on so that the next person may be helped.  I'm learning to be more selfless, because tomorrow (though it means promise) is not promised. I want to live until i'm 117 years old or older, but just for everything thus far, I'm every so thankful for the opportunities.  

People for the most part understand that I can no longer work full time.  I can't really work for anyone except for some clients every now and then.  My mind races a million miles a minute and though it allows me to start so many things, the completion rate decreases unless I have assistance. I have tried and sometimes I have good days and sometimes I have not so good days.  The main thing is not being shaky around people, not wanting to run back to my isolation.  After so much, the trauma I've suffered really did a number on me, but at least I have on the rise because with that i'm still able to make a difference. Last night felt so good to have three LUPUS representatives on our show The Blaq Hour.  One was a woman who lost her mom to complications of liver stemmed from lupus. One is an educator who is currently in a Lupus flare up on medical leave but anxious to get back to work.  One has had Lupus for over 17 years and has suffered almost complete organ failure as well as so many other things stemming from Lupus.  I fight hard to make sure that I provide a platform for health awareness if I can do nothing else.  I provide a platform for talent on the rise to get the exposure they need. All I ask for are donations for my MS fundraiser so that we can earn money to live.

The difference tomorrow makes is still yet to be seen by my eyes because it hasn't happened yet, but tomorrow i'll make a difference, too, and that'll make my tomorrow ever better.